Beyond the Pleasure Principle
by the.Merines
Summary: Four years after the Angels stopped their attacks, 18 year old Ikari Shinji sits alone in his Tokyo3 apartment. His phone rings, and the answer disrupts his otherwise peaceful life with the voice of someone he once knew.
1. Introjection, This is my Life

Beyond the Pleasure Principle

typed by the.Merines

started: 5.16.06 20:09

finished: 05.18.06 14:36

published: 05.22.06 (Happy Birthday and Congratulations, Anno-san)

disclaimed: I do not own Evangelion, its characters, or the ideas presented in them. Evangelion is owned and copyrighted by studio Gainax. The scenario and characters belong to Anno Hideaki. I claim nothing for myself.

Introjection; This is My Life

Shinji collapsed onto the couch, starving and tired. His feet ached, which was understandable since he had been standing for the past eight hours. His stomach started to relax and began growling, but he was too worn out to make anything too ornate. Instant stuff would have to do. "Even though I ate that sandwich on lunch, I'm still so hungry," he sighed. No one was listening, mainly because no one else was there. "At least I have a couple weeks of paid vacation coming up... even if it is only for final exams."

He sighed again in the darkness of his apartment, unpinning his namebadge from his work shirt. He would have to do laundry again in a couple days, even though pay day was five days away and last week's check had already disappeared. A third sigh escaped Shinji's dry lips. On the bright side, there wasn't any homework tonight. He reached up and stroked the sorry excuse for facial hair protruding from his chin.

Surely he would receive a lecture from his supervisor soon. A recurring problem for Shinji was his inability to deal with ... well, as he put it, "stupid people." Of course his position in the customer service center of a supermarket was probably not the best job choice for him, but Kensuke had worked there for almost two years and loved his job. However, every so often someone would irk Shinji so badly that he would begin to lose control of his professionalism. Naturally, the source of such feelings would react to Shinji's evident anger until he either caved in to their improbable demands or simply walked away.

Tonight he had been forced to walk away. Unable to see or think straight because of frustration and adrenaline, he called for help and walked into the store's adjoining cash office. Out of the public view, Shinji was able to calm down as another associate handled the mess he'd left for them. It had been a particularly stressful night for him. The store was understaffed and busy. He was the highest ranked associate for most of his shift, leaving him to keep both customers and cash flowing smoothly. It had happened before and would happen again. There were just some days which seemed harder than others, no matter how well he performed his function.

After sitting for nearly half an hour with no particularly important thoughts running through his head, besides the residuals of a headache combined with aspirin, Ikari decided it would be best to put the day behind him. He eventually prepared his bento for the next day's lunch, eating the leftovers in a poor emulation of dinner. Shostakovich played through his apartment's stereo. Shinji had been playing the cello again in his free time, trying to learn more than the one piece his teacher from so many years ago had pounded into his head. Thus far he had experienced little success, mainly due to his lack of free time. When the summer came... well,...

Shinji had mixed feelings about the fast-approaching summer. After taking his entrance exams, it would be the final summer vacation of his life. He wanted to pursue a degree, of course, and attend a prestigious university. The money for such an endeavor would surely be provided for him by the Japanese government. After all, he was Ikari Shinji. There was the slight problem of choosing a major. Shinji had no idea what he could possibly enjoy doing for the rest of his life. He couldn't even think of something he could do easily, if not for enjoyment but for convenience.

In his mind, asking the government to put him through university while declaring his major as 'undecided'... It was too embarrassing. That is, if he did well on the entrance exams. Everything was up in the air, but at the same time his life was very monotonous. Monday through Saturday he would wake and eat breakfast, attend school, work until eleven, then try to sleep. Sunday was his single day of respite, though it didn't really seem to help much on a Wednesday night. Maybe the mixture of chaos and calmness was what he desired and hated the most.

Brushing his teeth, he couldn't help but stare at himself in the mirror. He hadn't changed much, in his own mind. Sure... He was a couple inches taller, his shoulders broader, his face a bit more masculine... but all he saw were those scared blue eyes. The look which had haunted him since a certain day four years ago still bothered him a great deal. As much as he tried to concentrate on his present life and forget those horrible things he'd experienced in the past, his eyes were always the same. Always frightened, always waiting for the phone call that would come, inevitably, from his father.

"No... That man is dead," Shinji whispered. "He isn't here anymore."

Ikari changed into his pajamas and put an end to his day. Laying in bed, staring at the familiar ceiling of the place he had called 'home' for three years, he felt comforted by the silence which surrounded him. Besides the music which still quietly played in his living room and the occasional car driving by, his breathing was the only sound. He felt himself begin to drift off to a welcomed sleep.

---

Thunderstorms had suddenly shown up on the radar screens over the Hakone region. The violent shaking and deep bass caused by the phenomenon known as 'thunder and lightning' were little consolation to the other people attempting to enjoy Tokyo-3's vibrant downtown night life. However, a young woman with vibrant golden red hair was more troubled than most. She would be embarrassed if anyone paid her enough attention to see beyond the curves in a yellow sundress, beyond the perfect skin tone and exotic hair, to the sadness and loneliness in her azure eyes.

This was perfectly fine with her, of course. Any such accusation would be met with a furious denial, a denial which truly was a mere programmed response to a deeper, repressed problem. Asuka knew too much for her own good. She realized that she could not let go of the events which happened in 2015.

But now here it was, the late spring of 2019. In her recent travels Asuka had been lucky enough to see a cherry blossom tree in bloom. Of course it was in an ecologically-controlled greenhouse, basically a tourist attraction. It was a staple of traditional Japanese heritage; she wasn't very interested in it. She often wondered why she hadn't simply moved back to Germany. Her father was there, and it was where she had been raised...

Soryu Asuka Langley now found herself virtually penniless and homeless. She had managed to hitch a ride from New Yokosuka to Tokyo-3 more than a week ago. Although she failed to admit it to herself, this city felt like home to her. It had been renovated after the Angels stopped attacking. No longer a mere fortress to protect NERV headquarters, the once-modern safety precautions which moved shelter-buildings underground had been painstakingly removed. Tokyo-3's population swelled along with its size, and it soon became the nation's capital.

She had plenty of time to go around and see the sights, but of course most things cost money. That was economics. After being convicted of simple battery against her roommate, she had been quickly evicted from her apartment. Her last yen were paid towards fines from that crime, along with a number of other incidents which had happened during her tenure in the city.

After a while the rain became too much of a nuisance, and she ducked off the sidewalk into an arcade. She was confronted with a choice as she found a 50-yen coin on the ground. She could approach the payphone in the room's far corner or play a UFO-catcher game. Although she knew it was foolish, it actually took her a moment before realizing that the intelligent thing to do would be to contact someone via phone. Maybe it was time to stop playing games.

"Lucky," she whispered sarcastically when she found a dual-language digital phonebook screen next to the phone. Only one name came to mind, but it was something she had hoped to never do. She dialed the number quickly, before any worries or anxiety could start to bother her. She was a little amused as she realized that he hadn't changed his cell number in the past four years.

---

"_Shinji, it's time_."

"No, I can't do that anymore! There's no point in asking because I won't do it!"

"_You cannot argue with me. You will do as I say. There is no choice_."

"Is that really how things are? Do you think I'll just do as you say!"

"_Yes_."

Shinji sat up quickly, a cold sweat coating his body. Another damn dream... His father still haunted him, after all this time. He took a deep breath and looked at the digital clock on the floor next to his futon. He had only been asleep for an hour. Not often did he fall asleep so easily, but twice in one night was unheard of.

A crack of thunder caused him even more dismay. He had always experienced trouble sleeping during thunderstorms. He got up, used the bathroom, and drank a small cup of water. For some reason he always felt thirsty at night. Shinji also changed the SDAT in his stereo to Chopin before returning to his room.

Either by chance or luck, he realized his cell phone was vibrating on the floor next to his bed. Who would be calling at this time of night? He checked the number on his outdated cell's screen; it was a local but unfamiliar number. "Hello?" he asked sheepishly. He froze immediately at the answer, his widening eyes the only immediate response he could muster.

…

"So, it's probably quite sudden for me to contact you after all this time," Asuka said gingerly, chuckling a little to mask the shakiness in her voice. She looked around the arcade to make sure no one was paying attention to her actions. "Yeah, I know. So, not saying that _you **owe** me_ or anything, but I have just a small favor to ask."

…

Her clenched fist loosened slowly as the response came. "OK, you know how to get here? I'll be expecting you." Asuka set the green phone back on the receiver gently, sighing raggedly. How low had she fallen, asking for help from _him_? Of all people, why was his name the only one that came to her mind? Why did she remember his cell number so clearly?

The payphone suddenly released a 50-yen piece because of an undiagnosed mechanical error in the coin acceptor. "Lucky," she said again with just a hint of happiness. She gazed over at the UFO-catcher machines again. Upon finding one which housed small, plush penguins, an idea dawned in her muddled head.

---

"Just why am I going out in a heavy downpour at one A.M. on a Wednesday night, or Thursday morning, to an arcade?" Shinji wondered aloud as he pulled on his shoes. As luck would have it, he happened to own two umbrellas. He took a deep breath before venturing outside the safety of his apartment.

To face her once more, after four years, was something Shinji was decidedly undecided on. One of his oldest friends, if she would allow him to label her as such, was in need of assistance. She would never come out and say so, of course. That just wouldn't be Asuka.

"Asuka." He smiled as he spoke her name for the first time since those days. "I'm on my way."

End; Introjection.


	2. Displacement, Heaven is

Beyond the Pleasure Principle

typed by the.Merines

started: 5.19.06 17:49

finished: 5.24.06 09:34

published: 5.25.06

disclaimed: I do not own Evangelion, its characters, or the ideas presented in them. Evangelion is owned and copyrighted by studio Gainax. The scenario and characters belong to Anno Hideaki. I claim nothing for myself.

---

Displacement; Heaven is

Shinji breathed a sigh of relief when he saw that Asuka was facing the other direction as he approached her. She stood under the awning of the arcade where, he assumed, she had called from. He slowed his pace and tried to estimate just what had changed about her. It was obvious that he was now just a little taller than Asuka, but it seemed as if the rest of her body had filled out just a little more. Her legs seemed longer and curvier the last time he had seen her. The shape of her back, the straps of her yellow sundress, her hair… Wait, why was he only occupied with noticing things such as these?

"Shit," he cursed under his breath as she turned around. "Ah… Good evening," he quietly stated as he reached her side. He smiled happily, trying to cover up some of the surprise he felt as he looked into her eyes. Her face was, of course, beautiful. However, her eyes bothered him. They were so similar, nearly identical to the eyes he saw in his own mirror. They were forlorn and hopeless eyes, still haunted by her past.

She made an attempt to return his smile, but found it hard to maintain such a happy look. "So, how have you been?" Shinji was curious why she seemed so sad. Not only her eyes, but the pained look on her face and rasp in her voice were indicators he knew all too well.

"I've been OK," he replied in a typically polite answer, a habit from work. "I have my own place, so it won't be a problem if you need somewhere to stay. Actually, I've been living there for a while now, so don't be shocked if it smells like a guy's place or there are some things out of place," he added with a small, nervous chuckle.

"I don't _really_ need a place to stay," she huffed, reneging on the statement she had made over the phone.

"Oh, I see. So then…" he asked, in hopes of some kind of reason.

"I just happened to be in town, but they messed up my reservations at the hotel. Because of their stupid mistake, I didn't have a room tonight. I just thought maybe we could hang out or something while I'm here," she explained. She reminded Shinji more of her past self at that point. Was she merely manipulating him, or was this some kind of cover-up to hide the fact that she truly had nowhere to go?

"In any case, let's get moving," he yawned, handing her the folded umbrella.

"Oh, tired already? It's barely past…" Her voice faded away as she glanced down at her watch. She didn't exactly notice the time, but realized that she had been sleeping on park benches for the past week. A nice bed… _any_ bed, even Shinji's, would be a welcomed change. "Oh, I didn't realize it was so late. Lead the way."

The thunderclaps moved away to the east as they silently walked, but the rain continued. Asuka wondered if he had run off and bought a second umbrella just for this occasion. That was definitely something he would do… After all, what kind of moron, especially one who lives alone, owns two umbrellas?

…

"Well, here we are," Shinji sighed as the finally approached his apartment complex. The walk seemed to take so much longer than usual, maybe because of the quiet apprehension that filled the air around himself and Asuka. Then again, the late hour and constant rain may have also been factors.

"It looks like a pretty modern building," was all Asuka said. They finally made it out of the rain and entered the building's reception area. Shinji swiped his passcard to unlock the doors. "I'm surprised by the fact that a Japanese building has locks on the front doors," she deadpanned.

"It's one of the many which were erected after the city was made the capital," Shinji explained in a dull tone. "Mine's up on the seventh floor." They entered the elevator. The doors closed, and Shinji waited patiently for Asuka to press the '7' button. She had positioned herself in the corner adjacent to the control panel, so he expected her to go ahead and press it.

When she made no attempt to do so, he reached past the young woman and pressed the button without a complaint. However, he inadvertently brushed his elbow against her chest as he attempted to pull it back. As soon as the contact was made, his entire body jerked away from hers. "Ah, I'm sorry!" Once again he found himself expecting a violet recourse from her, but none came. He relaxed and allowed his arm to return to his side. All she did was blankly look straight ahead, not even batting an eye. "A-… Asuka?"

"Hm? Did you say something?" she asked, apparently unaware that anything had happened. Shinji frowned just a bit and shook his head. An electronic ding heralded the opening of the elevator. Shinji made a quick escape from any possible repercussions from a truthful answer, trying to find comfort in the familiarity of his floor.

"It's at the end of the hall, number 719." He slid his passcard again at his doorway, prompting the door to slide back into the wall silently. "I'm home," he stated as he took off his shoes.

"Who are you telling that to? You said you live alone," Asuka commented as she did the same.

"Oh, that… It's common practice in Japan, remember? Have you been in Germany all this time?" he questioned out of curiosity. After all, he hadn't had any contact with her this whole time. She only 'hmphed' and pulled her soaking wet shoes off. He sighed at her silence and flipped on the lights. "Like I said, don't be shocked… I've lived alone here for quite some time."

"You mean, since after you ran away from Misato's place?" she asked in a matter-of-fact way. Shinji froze in his tracks. Asuka watched as he seemed to consider responding, but instead continued onward into his apartment without a word. "Really." She looked around at the place Shinji called his own. It was rather large for one person, nearly identical to his previous home. The entrance way led directly into the living room, which housed a light brown couch, a stereo system, and a TV. Various books and magazines were spread in no particular order.

Beyond the living room was an adjoining dining area and kitchen. A hallway to the right led to several doors. Shinji appeared from the darkened hallway with a thick blanket and two pillows. "Even though it's rude, I didn't think you would want to sleep on the same futon I've been using for so long…"

"Huh? I thought it was Japanese custom to sleep in bedrooms? And to allow guests to sleep in your own bed while you are relegated to the floor of your bedroom?" Asuka asked, not directly implying anything, but well aware of her words.

"Oh, well, that's not really how it works, but… Are you sure you're OK with that?" he asked meekly.

"Of course. I wouldn't have brought it up if I wasn't," she retorted with a glimmer of her former confidence. "We're both adults now, right? Don't think it's indecent just because I'm a woman and you're… Shinji."

"Oh, you won't call me a man, huh?" he asked as he disappeared back into the hallway. Asuka took a seat and sighed loudly. "Even if it's not indecent," he said as he returned, holding something behind his back. He had changed into a pair of shorts and a loose T-shirt. "I won't allow a naked woman to sleep in my bed."

From behind his back he threw a similar outfit at Asuka. She recoiled at first and carefully picked up from where they had fallen at her feet. "Don't worry; they're clean. I don't know about guys where you've been, but I keep up on my laundry," he explained, smiling in a somewhat goofy way.

"You expect me to wear men's clothes…" she groaned.

"Consider your options, Asuka."

…

Shinji stood next to his room's closed door, a happily complacent smile growing on his face as he listened to Asuka complain about the situation. Perhaps she hadn't changed as much as he thought. Meaning… She hadn't gotten better. She hadn't dealt with the problems which had bothered her, even back then. Perhaps they'd even gotten worse.

"But who am I to judge her because of such things? I'm no better."

"You should really stop muttering to yourself. Someone might get the impression that you're nuts," Asuka stated as she opened the door. "Still no locks on your interior doors, I see." Shinji couldn't help but grin seeing her wearing some clothes he'd outgrown.

"I figure, if someone breaks past that many locks, who am I to impose on them further?" he explained, trying to make a joke. However, he found Asuka staring at him, her hands on her hips. She squinted at him, staring directly into his eyes, trying to figure out just how the boy she'd known had turned into this… guy.

"You really are crazy."

"I'm also dead tired and have to get up for school in four hours, so if you don't mind… I'd like to go to bed now."

"Agreed." Shinji waited for her to get into bed before turning off the room's light and finding the blanket on the floor. As he lay there, he couldn't help but remember. '_You mean, ever since you ran away from Misato's place?'_

He remembered all too clearly.

---

Ikari Shinji, 14, lay on his bed. Tears poured down his face as he awoke from what seemed like the most horrible nightmare he had ever experienced. It was as real, if not more so, as some of the visions he'd seen inside of EVA-01.

'_Was that really a dream? I'm so scared… but I don't have anywhere to run. No one is around that I feel safe around. I can't confide in anyone anymore. Not Rei or Asuka or Misato…_'

He suddenly pulled his knees closer to his chest as he heard Misato lightly knock on his door. "Shinji-kun, may I come in?" She should have known that he wouldn't answer. As she slid his door open and entered his room, he forced his eyes to close even tighter. He tried to stop his crying, but didn't know why. He sure had no reason to try and impress Misato. "I have some… bad news to tell you. There was some kind of accident that no one can explain just yet. At NERV… What I mean is… what I'm trying to say… Shinji-kun, your father is dead."

Instantly, his eyes popped open. "My father… is?" he asked in a most quiet voice. Misato, as the case had been lately, was unsure how to act around her young charge. She was overjoyed that he responded at all, and tears crept into her vision as he slowly turned over to face her.

"Yes. I'm sorry that I don't have an explanation about the circumstances of his death. To be honest I'm not sure what I should do for you. I know you hated your father, but now you don't have a mother or father… Even though he was hardly there for you at all, I don't know if you will miss him or not. I don't even know if you would be saddened or jubilated by such a fact. I realize that you don't want any consolation from someone like me, whom you loathe as you did your father… but I also realize you don't have a single soul to rely on right now.

"You've been through some tough times, Shinji… I'm sure you'll turn out to be an immensely strong person because of such things. Right now, however, you're still a child. I can't expect you to deal with all these things and just take them in stride. Because of this, because I care about you, and because I see no need to hurt you further, I am officially releasing you from your duties as a pilot."

"M-misato-san?" he stammered through his tears. She was crying as well, but wore a smile that some may have called 'proud.'

"You're no longer Third Children. You're just Ikari Shinji. I… I wanted you to live as normal a life as possible, considering all that's happened. I'll work hard to convince the U.N. and Japanese government to compensate you, somehow. This is all I can do for you now. I'm sorry things turned out so terribly… There is just that type of sickness which surrounds everyone who becomes entangled by EVA and NERV. If you can escape from such things and grow up freely, then I can be happy. I want you to know that much."

---

A single tear slid down Shinji's cheek as he listened to Asuka's breathing. A distant roll of thunder placed him back in the present. '_Misato-san… You did so many nice things for me, and all I could do was push you away. I knew this even back then, but I was too afraid of who you were. Looking back, I may have even loved you. I was so scared of my feelings… I had to leave. I had to leave before my life returned to normal, before I really did fall in love with you._

'_I ran away from my feelings and from you. I always wondered if you would come looking for me, since you were still my legal guardian until a few months ago. But… I only received letters from NERV and the government, stating that I was no longer a member of NERV and no longer under your care. You must have talked the U.N. into repaying me for my time as a pilot. They furnished the apartment I began renting and paid for every bit of my schooling. I am sure they would have done more, but that was all I asked of them. Who am I to be treated like royalty…'_

He glanced up at Asuka's sleeping form and smiled, wiping away the tears from his eyes. Someday he would be ready to face Misato again. Shinji truly looked forward to the day when he could stand up to all his fears… After all, from some point of view, any action could be seen as 'running away.'

Feeling as if he had maybe taken a small step forward, Shinji immediately fell asleep.

---

Asuka awoke to the sound of running water. She felt disoriented for a few seconds before she remembered that she was in Ikari Shinji's bed. She turned over and looked at where he had been sleeping. The blanket was folded neatly and put in the corner of the room, pillows fluffed and balanced on top. The sun was barely up. Fortunately for her, Asuka groggily realized that his bedroom window faced west. She would be able to sleep a couple more hours before the sunlight would begin to bother her.

…

When she finally did rise again, it was nearly noon. Upon inspection of the apartment, Ikari was nowhere to be found. She realized he was probably at school. "I must have really been exhausted," she yawned to no one in particular. Who wouldn't be after being thrown out on the streets for a week?

Reality suddenly snapped back to Asuka. She'd told Shinji that she only needed a place to rest for one night. '_Like hell I'll explain to him that I am homeless and have no money, clothes, or …anything. But how am I going to… where am I going to stay if I'm not here? He may allow me to stay for a little bit, but he will surely become suspicious if I ask to move in with him after only being around for a day.'_

Soryu Asuka Langley began to feel hopeless again.

Suddenly, her stomach growled. Food became an issue of more importance to her. She raced to the kitchen and found a small note posted on the refrigerator.

'Asuka, I prepared something for your lunch. I hope the hotel corrects its reservations, but feel free to stay again some time. I'd like to catch up with you sometime when you're not busy. Hope my bed wasn't too uncomfortable. ) P.S., you know my cell number hasn't changed, and here is my work number in case of emergency.'

His name and a small character with large eyes and a small goatee were written beneath the note, along with a phone number.

…

After eating the bento and laundering her sundress, Asuka left the apartment. She sighed as his door slid shut, locking her outside. She didn't want to be a part of that guy's life, no matter how inviting and cozy it seemed.

Shinji returned home from school and found Asuka gone, as he expected. As he entered his room to change into his work uniform, he found a note on his bed.

'Stupid Shin-chan. **ABSOLUTELY NOT!**'

---

"Hey, Ikari-kun, you seem pretty tired today. Were you in bed with some gorgeous fangirl last night?" Shinji looked up from the cash drawer he was counting at his associate Ryu. It was past nine and nearly time to close the office.

"No. I got a call from an old friend, so we stayed out pretty late talking," Shinji explained. He glazed over some of the truths, mainly because he wasn't interested in explaining the whole situation to Ryu. While the two were good friends at work and talked leisurely, they had never maintained such a relationship outside of the store.

"Man, I don't understand how a guy who saved the world never gets any action," he sighed. Suddenly the phone rang. Neither of them thought much of it; the phone rang all the time. Many people had questions about the store and its products, some legitimate and some completely asinine. Ryu picked up the phone and casually answered in a bland tone, "Yamanote Avenue Circle-K, how may I help you?"

Ikari didn't notice as Ryu's face contorted into one of genuine concern. "Hey, Ikari, it's for you," he stated firmly as he thrusted the receiver at Shinji. Shinji frowned and wondered why someone would ask specifically for him.

"Yes, customer service, this is Ikari-"

"Shinji, please help, I-." There was the sound of movement, followed by a crash, and the line subsequently went dead. Shinji put the receiver back, but continued to stare at the device.

"What was that about?"

"I'm not sure," Ikari said. It was definitely Asuka's voice. She had witnessed her making many such calls to Kaji back then, so maybe it was just some attempt to get his attention. But then again, what if she really was in trouble? "Can you do me a favor?"

"Sure."

"Let me see your GPS-attachment and my phone." Ryu opened the office's locker and pulled out Ikari's phone first. Sure enough, there were two missed calls from a local number. Then he grabbed his GPS and its cell phone adapter. Shinji plugged the GPS into his old phone and pulled up the missed number. The GPS unit hummed, determining where the call had been made, its LCD readout slowly zooming in to a single location.

It was six blocks north of his apartment. Shinji swore as he unplugged the unit and pocketed his phone. "Something wrong?"

"That's a club which attracts a lot of gang-bangers after the sun sets," Ikari explained solemnly as he began to pull off his uniform shirt. Ryu watched in moderate surprise as he watched his friend pull on a wrinkled black T-shirt. The intensity with which Shinji moved, the look of determination on his face… Ryu had never seen such conviction from him. "Can you watch the office until I return?"

"How long? I'm already dangerously close to overtime," Ryu stated, not meaning to be so hung up on something which he realized Ikari had very little interest in at this point. "Sure thing, man. Do what you have to do."

"Thanks a lot." Ryu watched silently as his associate clocked out and left.

"Is that the kind of attitude that helped him save the world? Hah, I'm so jealous…"

…

No trains were arriving as Shinji ran past the station closest to his workplace. Despite the fact that his body was already tired from losing so much sleep, going to school and then work, he ran as fast as he could. Asuka was in trouble. In the back of his mind, he knew she would be angry with him later on for coming to save her, but that was something he might be able to cope with now.

'_Shinji, please help, I-'_

Her voice repeated over and over in his head. The terror in her voice was something he had only heard on a couple occasions. The first was as she was being attacked by the fifteenth Angel, Arael. The second was…

---

Fourteen year-old Shinji sat alone on the outskirts of what had once been Tokyo-3. Although he cursed himself for doing so, he had decided to leave Misato's apartment for good. For now he would go and live with his uncle, far away from everything that had happened. There was just one person he had so see… but would his NERV passcard already be deactivated?

He had to see Asuka, just one more time.

…

Whether because of timing, or because Misato knew his train of thought so well, he had managed to get inside the Geofront. No one paid him any attention as he entered NERV's hospital and found Asuka's room. He had visited her once before, after she had been found. By that time, though, she had already fallen into a coma.

"Asuka… I… I've decided to leave. NERV, Tokyo-3… I'm leaving it all behind. I'm running away from it all. Even though you're the only one I feel like I can talk to now, you would probably just yell at me or laugh. And I know you would be disgusted by my cowardice… but I don't care. Nothing could ever convince me to stay here as a pilot.

"In any case, I don't know what will happen to you." He looked down on her. She stared straight up, hardly ever blinking, never moving. "I'm sure you will recover soon. You're Asuka, you're supposed to be stronger than me. I know you can't hear me, but I wanted to tell you one last thing before I'm gone." Shinji sighed raggedly and looked around to make sure they were alone. "You like to seem so confident and independent, but I think on the inside… you just want someone to hold you, to… love you…"

---

As he panted, Shinji remembered that Asuka had awoken from her coma at just that moment. He was the only witness. He was the only one who heard her scream, to scream for her mother and for himself. But rather than being a man and staying to help, he left before she realized he was there. He was horrified that, just maybe, she had heard him… He was embarrassed by the fact that he was one step away from telling Asuka the words he, himself, longed to hear.

He finally reached the club, not noticing the time. In fact he had traversed the distance in less than three minutes, a feat he would have otherwise regarded as monumental. Shinji paused as he neared the club's entrance. Bumping music was heard out on the streets from inside as he tried to gather himself up. Realizing that time was something he didn't have, Ikari simply wiped his brow and stepped up to the door. A huge man in a suit stopped him.

"Excuse me, _sir_, but I don't think you meet the dress requirements for this club," the muscle-head sneered.

"I have business with someone inside, a red-headed foreigner," Shinji stated in a voice as calm and deadly as he could manage. The man sighed and pulled his clipboard up.

"Name?" Shinji's frown grew even more. Of course his name wouldn't be on the list of such a criminal place.

"Ikari Shinji."

"Ooh!" the man exclaimed, his voice doing a complete 180. "You're the famous Ikari Shinji-sama, EVA pilot!"

"That's right, now let me inside." The man moved aside and pulled the door open.

"Please enjoy yourself at our club, Ikari-sama!" Shinji enjoyed a brief second of relief. Finally, that name had done some good. Now, to find Asuka… He looked around but found no trace of the German or of a scuffle. Suddenly, he felt a large hand on his arm. He quickly turned on his heal, expecting to find trouble. Instead, it was the bouncer again. "If you'll allow me, sir, I'll show you where she is."

"Please, and hurry."

End; Displacement.


	3. Rationalization, Parallel Lines

Beyond the Pleasure Principle  
typed by the.Merines  
started: 5.25.06 21:50  
finished: 6.03.06 12:01  
published: 6.03.06  
disclaimed: I do not own Evangelion, its characters, or the ideas presented in them. Evangelion is owned and copyrighted by studio Gainax. The scenario and characters belong to Anno Hideaki. I claim nothing for myself.  
Listening to: A State of Trance, episode 250

---

Rationalization; Parallel Lines

The pounding music assaulted Shinji's ears as he was led through the dimly-lit night club. During the daytime it was merely a quiet bar, a place businessmen came on lunch breaks, but as soon as night fell and the nocturnal creatures came out… Shinji had heard many stories about the things which happened in the building, since he lived in the same neighborhood. Many of the other business owners disliked the attention such a crowd brought to the area, but since they rarely caused problems outside the building, there wasn't much that could be done.

Shinji was escorted past all sorts of seedy characters, too preoccupied with Asuka's condition to notice that he stuck out like a sore thumb. Adrenaline rushed through his body as he tried to prepare for a physical battle. The bouncer stopped him at a door marked "VIP."

'_Oh great, the very important criminals have abducted her_.'

The bouncer motioned for Shinji to wait, then entered the room and closed the door. Ikari's hand balled up into a fist and relaxed, over and over. He cursed himself for not overcoming such a nervous tic after all this time. The seconds painfully passed by as Ikari began to wonder just how he could handle such a situation. If Asuka truly was in trouble, kidnapped or beaten by gangsters or yakuza, what threat would he present to them? Surely they wouldn't be as easily persuaded as the bouncer.

'_Certainly, I am a better man than I was the last time I had a chance to save Asuka… But I'm still only an 18 year-old. I don't have any experience in dealing with these types of people. No way could I try to physically beat them. What could I say to make them let her go?'_ His worried thoughts were interrupted as the door slid open again. The bouncer exited.

"You can go ahead inside." Ikari tried to put a cold and deadly look on his face and walked into the VIP lounge. The door slid shut behind him, muffling the bass sounds once again. The room was better lit, a long table at its center with plush couches along its periphery. It really looked like some kind of gangster headquarters. The men in business suits and dark sunglasses certainly didn't help his presumption.

"You're Ikari-kun, huh?" an older man at the head of the table asked in a deep voice.

'_This man is… the Godfather?_' Shinji wondered. "Yes, I am." The man laughed a little, prompting Shinji to take a mildly defensive stance.

"Please don't think badly of us. After all, that girl put herself in such a position without any help from us." The other men all snickered to themselves. "So… You're the man she called for help. How strange."

"And how is that funny? Where's Asuka?" Shinji demanded. The older man nodded, and the guy to his right stood and went through another doorway. Shinji began to wonder what nefarious activities these men were involved in. The man appeared again, holding up an unconscious Soryu. Ikari suddenly raged across the room, but yet another man stood and grabbed him from behind. "Let me go! What did you do to her!"

"Be calm, kid," his captor sneered.

"I think… this is all a misunderstanding," the 'godfather' explained slowly. "I think you may have gotten the wrong impression of us."

"I don't care about any of you! Just let her go!" yelled Shinji. "Whatever she's done, I'll pay for it!"

"Haha, please allow me to explain," the old man replied as he stood and approached Asuka and the man who held her. "Although we aren't exactly the perfect citizens, surely you don't think businessmen, such as ourselves, would harm an under-aged foreigner? I can't afford such an international lawsuit at this time, not to mention the fact that it'd be bad for business if people learned we had done harm to our nation's saviors." Shinji stopped struggling for a bit, and his captor let him go.

"So you are gangsters," Ikari accused. The old man held up a hand.

"Young man, you don't understand how things in the real world work, do you? Of course, there isn't anyone who does. We all have our separate realities. Ours is not the same as yours," the old man continued in an even, controlled tone.

"What…? Don't change the subject! You're just trying to confuse me."

"Ha! You're already confused. I told you, we did nothing to this girl. That bouncer of ours, he's always been a huge fan of you EVA pilots. When he recognized your friend here as she was walking by the establishment, he invited her inside. Honestly, if he is such a fan, he would have known that she was only 18 and therefore not legally able to enter the club," he explained with a shrug. "But, she came inside knowing it was illegal because of her age. Of course she's very attractive; so many men bought her drinks."

"I still don't understand."

"Oh, to be so young and innocent," the man chuckled. "She is a lightweight drinker! She passed out drunk at her bar stool. As the owners of this club, we took her back here. She woke up for just a moment, and we asked her to call someone to pick her up. Why she cried out for help, I don't know, but it seems like you came as quickly as you could. You _expected_ her to be in trouble. Of course, I'm sure our appearances did not help your situation…"

"Sorry for the nuisance, then," Shinji quickly stated. "Let me have her and we'll go." The man whom Asuka was leaning against approached Shinji and transferred her body. "Asuka." She didn't respond. He looked back at the old man, who wore a friendly smile on his face.

"Don't worry; she'll be OK when she wakes up. Probably a hangover, but such things recover with time."

…

"Hey, Asuka," Shinji grunted as he finally set her down on his bed. He took a few minutes to catch his breath before continuing to speak to the sleeping girl. "To put me in such a situation, to cry for help in that way… I definitely won't remind you, if you don't remember. You would be angry if you knew the parts I had to grab to get you home."

Ikari sighed. It was already past the store's closing time; he would have to thank Ryu. His stomach was still tied in knots over what had just happened, so he decided not to eat dinner. The adrenaline still hadn't worn off, and he picked up a book to wait until sleep would come. Shinji pulled a chair out of his bedroom's corner and set it next to the bed.

About an hour passed before Asuka began to groan. Shinji slowly put down his book. He still hadn't fallen asleep; should Asuka have awoken, she would need some kind of support. At least, that's how he rationalized it to himself. "Ohh… shit… wh-… Shin-chan?" Shinji smiled just a little as she slurred his name out.

"I'm here, Asuka. Do you remember anything?" he asked gently.

"H-huh?" She was still drunk, Ikari decided.

"Don't worry, just rest."

"I'm so **TIRED**, **SHINJAY**!" she suddenly yelled. "You d-… You juss don't understand!" She began groaning again, tossing around in his bed.

"Hey, Asuka," Shinji stated quietly once she had settled down. She turned over and looked at him. She looked so vulnerable… Without all of the walls she put up, she was just a troubled young woman. It was a rare opportunity to see her like this. "Do you know where you are?"

"Hmmm," she hummed with a wide grin. "Home." Shinji's eyes widened, but she just smiled up at him.

"W… welcome home," he whispered. Asuka fell asleep once more, still smiling. For Shinji, maybe… He hadn't felt warmer inside.

'_Only my mother's arms have brought me this kind of warmth, this happiness that normal people must feel every day. Asuka, thank you for those words. If that is truly how your heart feels, then this can be your home, too.'_

---

Soryu awoke, and immediately her head began pounding. She got up slowly, realizing that she had slept in her sundress. Asuka looked around the bedroom, feeling a mixture of familiarity and distance. "Ah… What the hell happened?" she asked the walls. They didn't have an answer for her. "Damn… My head is killing me…" She slowly massaged her temples in a pointless attempt to alleviate some of the pain.

The sun was already high in the azure sky. '_I slept all morning… and I woke up at Ikari's place again. What happened last night?_'

…

Asuka ate the lunch, which had been left by Shinji, in silence. It hurt even to think, but she still wondered why she was still here. The last thing she remembered was deciding not to rely on help from Shinji. She had left his apartment without a trace, not even leaving a note behind. Why should she have to explain her actions to Ikari, anyway?

Soryu began watching some TV drama afterwards. Then, suddenly, it all came back to her.

The friendly bouncer, the club's intoxicatingly dirty atmosphere, all the men who hit on her and bought her drinks… She covered her face with both her hands, suddenly feeling ashamed. To do such things were below her! What kind of club allows eighteen year-old foreign girls inside, anyway? Let alone serving her so many drinks…

Since she ended up at Shinji's… '_Oh yea, that phone call…_' She hazily remembered crying out for him, for his help. '_Goddamn it! After going through so much trouble deciding to leave, I ended up calling his name again. Why is that idiot the only person who comes to mind when I need assistance, even though I hate getting help from him most of all?_'

"Ahhh!" she yelled. "What a pain in the ass!"

…

Shinji returned home from school as usual, expecting to find Asuka gone again. He was a bit surprised, then, as he found none other than Asuka asleep on his couch. He smiled. She looked vulnerable again, but maybe he was getting too used to seeing her like that. She could be quite volatile, with her mood swings and such. To Shinji it didn't seem like she had gotten over such things just yet.

As much as he wanted to stay there, to be at her side when she awoke, he had to work. Bills didn't pay themselves.

---

Shinji sighed deeply after explaining to Ryu everything that had happened in the past couple days. "Wow, so she was a pilot, too?"

"Jeez, is that all you can think about? You're just like Kensuke sometimes," Shinji complained. "Anyway, what do you think? I mean…"

"You like her, right?" Ryu asked in a serious manner. Shinji tugged a bit at his nametag, nodded stiffly.

"I think so… But, I mean, neither of us seems to have changed much since back then… and we didn't really get along then, so…" Shinji muttered. "Maybe it's better if I don't even try. Do you see where I'm coming from?"

"Kind of," shrugged Shinji's acquaintance. "I don't see what the big deal is. If she was caught up in being the best pilot back then, maybe that was the heart of her troubles. You said she got much worse after you began scoring better than her, right?" Shinji nodded in agreement. "Well, think about it. That was three years ago. EVA isn't hanging over your heads anymore. Maybe she'll lighten up."

"Yea… but, well, I don't know… I've been so busy with work and school… Tonight will be the third night she's stayed at my apartment. The whole story about a hotel messing up her reservations just doesn't make sense," Shinji reasoned. "I think it was a lie, but…. Why would she lie about a thing like that?"

"Maybe she's having a hard time. You said she's a university graduate, but she has a hard time with kanji, right?"

"Well, she did back then…"

"Isn't it possible that she hasn't done so well since EVA testing was halted?" Ryu asked. "You said it didn't seem like she had returned to Germany at all. So who here in Japan would hire someone who can't read or write well, even if they have a degree? I know here at the store, I would laugh if an illiterate person asked for a job."

"I guess it's possible, but…" Shinji trailed off. "Asuka… She could have gotten any money she needed from the U.N. or the Japanese government, just like me."

"You only asked for an apartment and money for school, though," Ryu pointed out.

"Well, yea, but I don't deserve much more than that." Ikari sighed again as Ryu turned to help a customer. '_Maybe part of me is too proud to ask for any more monetary help. Someone with as much pride as Asuka… Maybe she hasn't gotten any sort of help at all? Asuka isn't the kind of person who would ask to receive money for "services rendered" during her time as a pilot. Maybe a spot on a late-night TV talk show or some kind of news special highlighting her, but has she asked for nothing in the past four years?'_

Shinji found himself assuming too much. Maybe it would be as simple as asking the girl. No, no… This was Asuka, after all. She wouldn't make any of her private information available to him. She had never wanted to look weak in front of Shinji.

"Hey, I have a genius idea!" Ryu suddenly said, interrupting Shinji's train of thought.

"Huh?" The young man placed a firm hand on Ikari's shoulder.

"Deliberate misinformation!" he exclaimed happily, continuing when Shinji's face stayed blank. "You said you haven't spoken much with her, right? What if… you were already seeing someone? Not like dating steady, but just off-and-on?"

"You mean, try to make her jealous?" Shinji asked meekly, beginning to understand his friend's underhanded scheme.

"Exactly! If we make it seem like you have a girlfriend, maybe she will show her true feelings. If she feels like she may lose you to someone else, she might make a move and verify your own feelings. See? I'm a genius; say it!"

A moment of silence followed as Ryu gloated in her own ideas. "You're a moron," was Shinji's only bland reply.

---

Beaten and tired, Shinji returned home from work once again. Tomorrow was Saturday, then finally his one day off would come. Perhaps then he would have time to talk with Asuka. If she was still around, that is. '_What Ryu said… that Asuka might really need a place to stay for a while because she's too proud to ask for the assistance available to her… It makes sense to me. However, I don't think she would choose me as the shoulder she would lean on._'

Shinji still wondered why she had called him, of all people, that rainy night. It seemed like it was a while ago, but it had only been three days. His life hadn't been interrupted very much, he decided, besides the trip to the night club. Asuka was still there in his apartment, still sleeping in his bed.

He grudgingly admitted to himself that he had feelings for her. He always had; maybe it wasn't love at first sight, but the time they synchronized together in EVA-02 to defeat the sixth Angel had been an eye-opening experience for Shinji. To work with an other, to cooperate and depend on someone else and to succeed in doing so… He'd never done such things with anyone else. He had always worked alone, succeeded or failed on his own. It made things easier on him, easier since there was no one to blame him.

And since NERV had been decommissioned, he had worked alone once again. He thought back, to those first months after the news arrived about NERV. Of course he had felt a great deal of relief knowing that he would never have to pilot that thing again, but… at the same time he was saddened. No longer did he have a reason to associate with the people he had grown close to. He couldn't ask for help from anyone, so he didn't. He began to feel like he could live a normal life, without being constantly terrorized by nightmares of his past.

That's how things had been for four years. On occasion someone would realize who he was, but it never really became as large a problem as it could have. The only person who had been near him all along was Kensuke. Touji, along with his father and grandfather, had moved away shortly after the end of NERV's tenure at Tokyo-3. He never heard anything about any of the NERV staff; Misato, Ritsuko, Asuka, Rei, the bridge staff… They all quietly disappeared into his memories.

Shinji suddenly snapped out of his trance and realized he had been standing in front of his closed door for some time. He finally slid his card, only to be greeted immediately by Asuka. "I was wondering how long you would stare off into space," she sneered, hands on her hips. He realized she was wearing the pajamas he had given her.

"Oh, um… Yea…" he stuttered. "I've been so tired, maybe I just fell asleep for a bit."

"With your eyes open?" she questioned as she drew him into his apartment.

"Whoa, hey!" Ikari exclaimed as she tugged on his arm. He barely had enough time to get his shoes off before they were in the kitchen. On his table were two plates of an omelet-like dish and some cookies. "Asuka, did you make dinner for us?"

"Not really," she quickly responded. "I was hungry, and it seems like you get off work at 11 every day, so it was just a coincidence. I had to go out and get a lot of the ingredients myself-"

"I can pay you back," Shinji said with a straight face. She looked blankly back at him.

"Why?"

"Well, you said that you had to buy ingredients, and it must have cost a bit-"

"Don't worry about such trivial things," she said with a wave of the hand and a grin. "Now, usually this is something I'd make for breakfast, but it's late and a full German dinner would be too much for a simpleton like you. It's Salzburger Nockerln, and I added some vanilla sauce because I enjoy it most that way," she explained happily. And for desert we have Zimtsterne. They're my favorite cookie and are usually only available around Christmas, so I hope you enjoy them."

"All this… It must have taken a while to shop and bake so much good food…" Shinji stated quietly.

"Don't worry about it, idiot! Now, guten appetit!"

The two former pilots ate in relative silence, although both of them enjoyed each other's company.

…

"That was really good, Asuka. Thank you," Shinji said, smiling.

"I'm glad you got a taste of real food instead of just noodles and fish," she responded, also wearing a happy expression. She pushed her chair away from the table and stood as Shinji yawned. "So, let's get off to bed. You can take care of the dishes later."

"Oh, but I still need to make a bento for tomorrow…" he trailed off as she had begun to walk away.

"I already took care of that!" she yelled from his bedroom. Shinji was surprised to find that she had, indeed, prepared a German-styled bento box for his lunch. Shinji smiled warmly, wondering why Asuka was doing this kind of domestic stuff all of a sudden. She was being so nice to him… It was almost cause for alarm, but he was so content with the way things had gone today…

He wandered into his spare bedroom and changed into his pajamas. Shinji switched off all the apartment's lights and turned on his stereo, letting the machine choose the tracks for itself. He entered his darkened bedroom and took his place on the floor next to his bed. "Goodnight," he whispered, unsure if Asuka was even listening.

After a few quiet minutes, Shinji suddenly felt pressure on his shoulder. He discovered that Asuka's arm was reaching to him over the edge of his bed. Was she already sleeping so soundly that she didn't notice? He tried to shrug it off, but her hand was firmly set on his shoulder. Finally, he reached out with his other hand and began to pull hers off, but the girl's hand wrapped itself around his.

Shinji immediately began to panic. If she was asleep, he'd be stuck in this uncomfortable condition all night. If she was awake…

"Hey, Shinji," her voice softly called from the bedtop. The young man cursed silently and didn't respond. "Why don't you come up here tonight?" Honestly, he had never heard Asuka use such a simple tone. He caught no inflection of sarcasm or untruth, or of laughter she may be holding back.

"I'm OK," he said as calmly as he could.

"I'm cold." For a few short moments, Shinji considered his position. "Come on, aren't you tired?" she asked, slightly annoyed this time. He slowly stood, her hand reeling him in like a baited fish. He lay down slowly, cautious not to let his body come in contact with hers.

So there they were, both of them flat on their backs, hand in hand.

"Wouldn't it be nice to stay like this forever?" Asuka asked gently. For Shinji there was an odd sense of familiarity with this situation.

"… If it's with you, Asuka…" was all he could answer.

End; Rationalization.

Author's note: Thanks to everyone for your kind words. I don't deserve them. I'll continue to try to keep writing a high-quality story, and I hope it stays interesting for everyone. The final scene is supposed to be reminiscent of the ending beach scene of EoE, with a much happier backdrop of course. Thanks to Rahhel for the corrections with German.


	4. Complex gamma, Incandecent Dreaming

Beyond the Pleasure Principle  
_killed _by the.Merines  
started: 07.10.06 19:00  
finished: 07.12.06 14:36  
published: 07.14.06  
disclaimed: I do not own Evangelion, its characters, or the ideas presented in them. Evangelion is owned and copyrighted by studio Gainax. The scenario and characters belong to Anno Hideaki. I claim nothing for myself.  
_Backpedalling_: As I suspected, though some enjoyed the "different" direction which was taken by previous ch4 and ch5, I agree with those who criticized its sudden change of pace and mood. So, I'm taking a step back for a moment and have reimagined its direction. Big thanks to Fresh C for pointing out an important continuity problem.  
Listening to: .hack ROOTS OST

Complex type Gamma; Incandescent Dreaming

On the floor of his bedroom, Shinji lay on top of his futon. It was his spare and had become his resting place since Soryu Asuka Langley had strolled back into his life earlier in the week. With his hands behind his head, he was deep in thought.

---

The night before, the two had ended up facing off against each other.

"So… do you feel like doing anything?" Asuka had asked, innocently enough. Shinji had just come home from a rather exhausting day at work and was in no mood to do anything besides sleep. "Maybe we could catch a movie or something."

"Not really. I'm just tired," he said with a yawn.

"Oh, please, adding that in for effect…" she sneered. "If you don't want to hang out with me, just say so! Don't be such a jerk!"

"Well sorry! Good grief, tomorrow's the only day I have this week when I don't have any plans-"

"So you can sleep in if we go out tonight!" the German interrupted. Neither individual understood why they were fighting over something which really wasn't such a big deal.

"**No!**" the young Ikari exclaimed, surprising Asuka with his sudden outburst. "I had a hell of a time putting up will all sorts of dumb co-workers and even dumber customers, so I don't want to do anything besides sit down and fall asleep. I really don't know how I can explain it any easier. It has nothing to do with whether or not I want to hang out."

"You're just lazy!"

"So go out by yourself! Or will I just have to come and pick you up when you pass out drunk?" His words cut unintentionally deep, enraging Asuka even more. "I'm sorry… I'm just in a bad mood…"

"Is that what you think? That I'm just here to do as I please, then ask you to bail me out?" she asked in a deathly low voice.

"No, I didn't say that! It's fine if you have to stay here-"

"So what the hell do you want, Shinji?"

"Huh?"

"You think about it… Take as long as you want. I only want your definite answer."

With that, Shinji retired to his bedroom without another word. Asuka was left fuming on the couch, not really watching the TV program she had been so engrossed in a few minutes earlier. When she was sure that Ikari had fallen asleep, she quietly entered his bedroom. There he was, on the floor, his real bed neatly made. '_What a moron…'_

---

Stray rays of sunshine pressed through the bedroom's window, making odd patterns and shapes of light appear on the room's surfaces. Asuka's head was buried beneath three pillows, so there was no way she'd be bothered by them. It was a Sunday morning which truly felt as though it could be a day of rest for the tired Ikari. Work and school had been slowly ebbing away at his health. There was few times where he could simply relax as he was at that very moment.

Asuka… Only a few days ago, she was just a stray thought in the back of his mind. Now she was the foremost thing in his brain. It was such a quick turnaround. '_Are human hearts so easily swayed? The feelings from back then… I really didn't ever discover if they were real or not. Could I really have been attracted to Asuka? If so, what's in my way from moving forward? If not, why can't I just accept the fact that she'll be finished using me sooner or later… Why am I stuck between these two options? What do I want…? Should she stay, or shouldn't she?'_

He closed his eyes again, grateful for the chance to sleep in for once, deciding to let the issues rest as well…

…

… "Father, I hate you. I hate you!" In the traincar which was Shinji's own representation of his unconscious self, he faced against his elder. Of course they were not directly squaring off, as Shinji could never actually face his father. Rather, they sat across each other as the train rolled to an unknown destination. His father's face was shrouded by the evening sun as it set directly behind his head.

"You are still just a child."

"I'm… I'm your child! Can't you even admit that!"

"…"

"Won't you even respond to me?"

"You are a child, easily excitable and uncontrollable."

"You're dead! Why am I still fighting with you? This is utterly ridiculous."

"I have said the same thing many times before."

"Huh? What do you mean? Who have you lost that wasn't your own damn fault! Who could you possibly mourn?"

"…"

"You mean… mother?" Shinji's voice softened considerably.

"Who else? In my eyes there is no one else besides you and her."

"What do you mean by that? Mother was killed when she tried to pilot EVA-01, right? Her soul was absorbed into its core… That's why only I can pilot it, right? That's why only I can synchronize with it… because of mother. She died in that experiment, binding my fate to the Evangelion."

"It was her choice."

"No way… You mean…?"

"She chose to sacrifice herself so that you might live on. At the time she kept this secret hidden from me. I suppose I could use such a fact to justify my actions since then, but to you those words would be meaningless. On the day she lost her humanity, I also put that part of myself to death."

"I always thought it was somehow your fault… You sacrificed the lives of everyone around you… You used everyone who you came in contact with, even your own son… Now you tell me these things… How could I have done anything else besides run away? How could I feel anything besides _hatred_ for you? You abandoned me when I was just a little kid! Everything which I've struggled with… It is all your fault!"

"I had to concentrate on Yui's last wish."

"Her… Mother's last wish?"

"Yes, the wish that you would lead a life of happiness."

"What the hell does that mean? You made my life a living hell, father! You left me alone and then called upon me years later… only to use me for your own wishes! You manipulated every aspect of my life. How am I supposed to be happy?"

"Yet, despite all these hardships, you still stand."

"Huh?"

"You're still alive. Despite all of _old men's_ best laid plans, you are living a normal life. Am I right?"

"…"

"I do not deserve to be loved by you, and I never did. I couldn't protect her… So how could I even begin to protect you? If I told you that I watched as your mother died, then stood by as we failed to retrieve her soul from the EVA's core… You would hate me. No matter what path I chose, you would hate me no matter what. So, I distanced myself from you. You grew up into a resourceful and hard-working man. I'm proud."

"F-father, you're…?"

"SEELE. You must find them before they can make their move."

"S… SEELE?"

"They are the last obstacle standing in the way of the normal life you so desperately crave."

"But I don't understand what that means! Father!"

…

Shinji's eyes cracked open again.

He sighed… "Sunday morning. SEELE, huh? How do I know such things…? They bother me even in my dreams. Father, do you really feel that way? Are you helping me somehow?" he whispered. "No, that's impossible. He would never say that."

---

Shinji grinned a little as Asuka appeared from his bedroom, stretching and yawning. He sat at the small bar in his kitchen, a cup of coffee in one hand and a newspaper in the other. "Are you stupid? Why do you pay for a printed version when you can just read the news for free online?" asked the red-head as she rubbed her eyes.

"I guess I am stupid that way," he admitted.

"What _is_ that? I haven't smelled coffee that strongly in a long time," she asked as she sniffed the air.

"I always add a bit of nutmeg and a few cacao beans before I ground the coffee beans," he explained. "Want a cup?"

"Absolutely." Soryu pulled up the other stool beside Shinji's as he prepared another cup. "Don't put too much sugar in."

"Coming up."

'_He's acting relatively normal, compared to last night_,' thought Asuka as she watched him carefully add a small spoonful of sugar to the cup of coffee destined for her stomach. '_Probably just some kind of defense mechanism… or he just forgot. Maybe I'll just have to remind him. Playing house like this… Perhaps it really isn't a good idea_.'

"So what did you decide?" she asked, jumping straight to the point, as he added a bit of cream to her cup.

"Well, I prefer a bit more sugar than this, but I still think you'll really enjoy it-"

"Not about the coffee, moron! Do you even remember what was said last night!" she asked, obviously irritated.

"Oh." He made no other response, but finished preparing Asuka's coffee instead. He set the cup in front of the German before taking a seat on the other barstool once again. Shinji took a small sip from his own cup, looking down at his refection in the mud-colored beverage. "I had a dream about my father just before I woke up."

"Most people can only remember dreams from the few moments before they wake," Asuka responded flatly, reciting some mostly-unrelated fact. "But I fail to see how that affects your answer. I know I said that… only your real, absolute answer would be acceptable. I've been thinking… that maybe it's not a good idea for us to live together if we're constantly going to fight about that kind of stuff."

"Oh… You think so?"

"Are you being sarcastic?" Shinji shook his head slowly, still concentrating on his coffee. "I understand that I'm a burden to you right now. In fact I considered even trying to leech off you for a while…"

"Is that what you've been doing since NERV was dissolved?" Shinji asked boldly. It was something Asuka didn't expect, and he knew it. "You know I've spent all this time trying to live a normal life. Not only that, but I've tried to make _myself_ normal. I joined clubs at school, got a part-time job, and grew an extended circle of friends. These are all things that a normal teenager does. I… I have tried to distance myself from EVA in any way I could, even though I ended up moving back to Tokyo-3 after things blew over."

"Why are you telling me these things all of a sudden?" Asuka asked gingerly.

"Because I want to," he responded nonchalantly. "When I first met you, I was just some shy, scrawny boy. You were so grown up, so worldly… I envied you so much." Asuka's eyebrows suddenly shot up as she glanced over at him. "Even though we didn't get along very well, and you really bullied me a lot, I admired you.

"Things changed, though, as time went on." Shinji's dissertation to his coffee cup continued as Soryu could do nothing but listen. She felt the strong urge to scream out that he was a fool, but it never came to fruition. "As the attacks continued, my scores exceeded yours. The more my synch rates improved, the more difficult it became to pilot. Not only was I expected to do better and better by those around me, I always had the creeping suspicion that you absolutely hated me for it. When… After the fifteenth Angel attacked…" He stopped suddenly as he noticed Asuka shudder. "Sorry."

"Don't be. I'll be OK, so continue. Just bad memories."

"After that, I was sure that you really hated me. You even told me to my face… You couldn't pilot EVA anymore, while I continued to get high and higher scores. Then you disappeared… That's when I realized a certain emptiness I felt when after you were gone. There were so many painful things back then, so maybe I was swayed by those… But I missed being bullied and tormented sometimes. That was the only normal kind of thing I had. Then, all of a sudden, you were gone. You were in a coma and didn't wake up. I ended up leaving, but I was so relieved when I learned that you had woken up.

"I guess I'm kind of rambling, so I hope you don't mind… One of the reasons I've tried to hard to become a more normal person was you, Asuka. I didn't know if we'd ever meet again; in fact, I got the distinct impression that you would try to avoid me at all costs."

'_Well, you're pretty much right,'_ she silently confirmed. '_But Shinji, why me?'_

"I was really surprised when you called me that night… even more so when you asked for my assistance. _Of course_ you've been a bit of a burden to me, but to tell the truth I've been enjoying things much more since you've come here. Please, though, don't get the wrong impression. I… I really don't deserve to be loved by anyone…," he explained, unconsciously echoing his father, "so don't think that I want you here for that reason. I think it's nice for us to be around each other, because we've lived similar lives. We lived through that same nightmare, so I really think we could understand and help each other…

"I suppose… Well, I'm happy you're around. I want you to be happy as well, and if that means staying here, then I won't object. The same goes for if you feel as if you should leave. I won't do anything to hinder you. That's the absolute, real answer you wanted. I want _you to be happy_. But… it would make me happy… I mean, I'd be content… to let you sleep in my bed, as long as you'll let me use the futon on the floor…" By now he was blushing quite a bit, which really didn't surprise Asuka considering what all of what he had said.

'_You dumbass, you basically contradicted yourself…'_ the red head thought, trying to hold back the tears she felt in the corners of her eyes. '_What the hell kind of double-talk is that?'_

A long time passed as the two finished their coffee, its sweet taste remaining in their mouths, and its aroma left in the air.

"You know…" Asuka gently said, breaking the ice. A small yet anxious smile was plastered on Shinji's face. Both of them stared straight ahead, too nervous to even glance at the other. "I did hate you."

"Ha… I figured," he quietly responded.

"So, what are you doing with your life, Shinji?" Asuka asked rather tenderly.

"I'll take the entrance exams for college, and then hopefully I'll get accepted at a decent school. I don't know what I'd like to go for as of now… But it's on my mind. After that I want to get a job that I enjoy."

"I see."

"It might all sound dull and boring to you, but that's what normal people do…" Shinji quietly responded, unsure of her reaction.

"No, no… I mean, it's great that you have it all worked out like that."

"You don't… Asuka?" She suddenly shifted on the stool and stood.

"No, I really can't say that I do. However…" Her voice trailed off, and for some reason her hands balled up into fists. "You said you had a dream this morning. I had one as well. In it… my mother… She gave me a warning." Suddenly, Shinji's adrenaline began racing through his veins. "She said that something called 'SEELE' would be coming after me… and you."

'_No way!_ _My father said the same thing in my dream, too! How the hell is that possible? It doesn't make any sense at all!'_

"What are you thinking?" she asked, causing Shinji to break out of his silent worries.

"Um… It's nothing. 'SEELE', huh? Does that sound familiar to you?" She nodded her head.

"Misato mentioned a group by that name, just once… She knew about them."

"I did a quick internet search before you work up on that word as well. Nothing relevant at all."

"Besides that it's the German word for 'soul', right?" Asuka asked.

"Like NERV is German for 'nerve'… Is there some kind of connection?"

"I think so," Asuka stated in a low voice. "If Misato was so concerned with SEELE, I'm sure it had something to do with NERV. Our lives are still so entangled by what happened… Do you think we'll be killed?" Shinji shrugged. "No, there's no purpose behind that… The only thing we can do is go and ask Misato." Shinji's eyes widened slightly, but Asuka noticed anyway. "You think you can go?"

"I've wanted to… for a long time now, but I never had any sort of reason, so…" he muttered quietly.

"Well, now we do," Asuka said before he could add anything else. "I've got her number." Shinji waited patiently, though he found Asuka staring straight at him, looking annoyed. "I don't have a phone! Let me see yours."

"How do you know her number if you don't have a phone to store the number in?" he asked as he retrieved the device from his room.

"It's just a simple set of digits. What kind of moron can't remember a few phone numbers…?" she said with an exasperated sigh. Ikari returned and hesitantly handed the phone over. "Problem?"

"Well, she'll probably be shocked to see my name show up on her caller ID," he sheepishly explained. "I'm not sure how she'll react. She may not even pick up the phone at all! What then?"

"Duh, I'll leave a message. Are you really still that dense?"

"I'm just tense, not dense!" he defended as she punched in the number. Asuka suddenly laughed just a bit under her breath. "What is it?"

"If you think she'll be shocked by seeing your number, imagine how surprised she'll be when she hears _my_ voice on _your_ phone!"

---

In the hallway outside the apartment of the seventh floor, a young girl with shoulder-length, dark blue hair stood outside the door numbered 719. Her light green eyes matched her pale skin tone. She wore a plain yellow T-shirt and blue jeans; something a normal little girl would wear. She looked up at the panel which displayed the occupant's name.

'IKARI Shinji'

"Ikari… Shinji…" she slowly said, smiling just a little. The small girl reached up, having to stand on her tiptoes, and pressed the doorbell.

End; Complex type Gamma.

Author's explaining: So, my second attempt. I know it's rather short, but I felt as though I had accomplished what I set out to do. Some of you may like my original version better; for you I will be writing the continuance of type Alpha and its subsequent "Taboo; Heart Palpitations" in my spare time. I kinda liked the light-hearted take on things, but the dark and romantic will have to remain here. I'm much happier with this version, from a writer's standpoint. You may or may not agree.


	5. Drive Theory, Fascination

Beyond the Pleasure Principle_  
combusted _by the.Merines  
started: 07.17.06 09:48  
finished: 10.30.06 21:35  
published: 10.30.06  
disclaimed: You know how it goes… see other chapters for legal stuff.

Drive Theory; Fascination

"Uh…"

A speechless Soryu Asuka Langley stood at the doorway of Shinji's apartment, staring down at the smiling little girl who was at the opposite side of the portal. The two former pilots had just decided that their best plan of action, considering the warning they both received in separate dreams, was to pay a visit to their once-upon-a-time guardian, Katsuragi Misato. However, as soon as that conclusion had been reached, the buzzer suddenly rang. Both of them were nervous. What kind of strange and unfortunate timing would it be if SEELE had already found them?

But SEELE wasn't at the door. A young girl, probably eight or nine, was.

"Can I help you?" Asuka asked slowly. "Are you lost?" The girl shook her head. "Where are your parents?"

"They're both dead," she said in an eerily happy tone. Asuka was definitely creeped-out by this unexpected visitor. "Mister Ikari."

"Huh?"

"Are you Mr. Ikari?" the girl asked sweetly. "Ah, I guess 'Mrs. Ikari'?" she added with a giggle.

"**What?!**" About that time Shinji appeared from the apartment's interior, having heard a young girl say his name. "Why would you say such a thing? Shinji, did you hear what she just said?" huffed the red-head.

"Well, no," he replied calmly, too distracted by the fact that a little girl was standing at his doorway. He tried to put on a kind smile and held out a hand to her. "I'm Ikari Shinji. Nice to meet you."

"I'm Kana! Please excuse the intrusion!" she chirped. "Can I come in?"

"Sure." Asuka watched in silent shock as the other two exchanged pleasantries.

'_How can he be so goddamn calm?!_ _What kind of person invites a strange little girl inside their home without any questions?'_

"Why don't we all sit down in the living room and get to know each other?" Shinji asked. Asuka realized that he fully intended on finding out what was going on, but how had he learned to be so good around kids? She took a seat in one of the recliners and swiveled it until it faced the couch, where Shinji sat. Kana seemed to be slowly considering her options and finally decided to take a seat immediately next to Shinji. "So Kana, were you looking for me?" She nodded enthusiastically.

"Kana was! You are correct." Asuka was bothered by the way this girl was so cheerful; it made her sick. Plus the way she referred to herself in the third-person was kind of odd as well.

"How did you find out my name and where I lived? Are you playing a game?" Shinji asked.

"My guardian told me, if Kana managed to find your house, Kana would get a new toy! I have succeeded, so Kana gets a new toy!" she said before degenerating into a series of congratulatory statements and yelling. She really was just a little girl. However, both Shinji and Asuka realized several similarities to another pale girl they had known in the past.

The blue, mostly unkempt hair, the pale skin tone, the strange intentions… All were eerily similar to the one named Ayanami Rei.

"So Miss Kana," Asuka began, also trying to play the 'nice game' like Shinji. "What's your guardian's name?" Kana's smile suddenly diminished slightly, and she closed her eyes. Was she trying to think?

"Oh, right!" she yelled. "Kana just remembered! You get to play a game now, too! We have to go find her, but I'm not supposed to tell you her name! When we find her, then you win, and I can tell you her name! Doesn't that sound fun?" Shinji and Asuka glanced nervously at each other. "No? She didn't think you would be too excited by it, either," Kana explained flatly. "I hope I'm not such a stick in the mud when I grow up! Kana always wants to have fun!"

"What do you think?" Shinji asked Asuka, trying to sound open to any suggestions.

"I don't think it was just some universal coincidence that she appeared when she did," explained the German, crossing her legs. "That dream I had was some kind of warning. This _must_ have something to do with it. It'd be too weird if something like this happened in a normal day. Kana, do you know the word 'SEELE'?" Kana pondered over it for a moment, scratching her head.

"Say-Lay? No, I'm sorry, but I don't."

"What about a person named Ayanami Rei?" Shinji quickly asked. Soryu's eyes flashed up at him.

"I don't know anyone by that name. Kana doesn't know."

"So, what are we going to do, Shinji?" Asuka asked, annoyed for _some_ reason. He shrugged. "Well, I do know one thing. Whether we go to see Misato or we go to find this girl's guardian, I need to go shopping first!"

"S-shopping?" Shinji stuttered.

"Well, of course! You don't expect me to wear that dirty sundress, **again**, do you? Even if it's been washed, a girl needs to have a little variety in her wardrobe, you know?" Asuka explained with a bit of false bravado.

"Girls need variety, Mr. Ikari!" Kana repeated. Shinji looked back and forth from Asuka to Kana and back before sighing.

'_I wonder if she'll expect me to pay for this._' "I guess I don't have a choice, huh?" Shinji's cell phone suddenly rang in the kitchen. The two adults suddenly realized the same thing and looked towards each other. "Think it's Misato?"

"Most probably. I did dial the number, but I thought I hung up before the call went though," the red head stated as she went for the phone. Shinji meekly followed her to the kitchen, both afraid and excited to know what Misato would say. As the phone rang in Asuka's hand, she glanced up to gauge the level of fear her roommate was experiencing. With a grin full of malice, she pressed the 'Receive' button, and then promptly held out the phone to Ikari.

The look on Shinji's face, which had just been merely worried, was now a full panic. Asuka desperately tried to suppress her laughter.

"Hello?" The tinny voice on the other end of the line called out into the open air. Shinji and Asuka both immediately recognized it as Misato's voice. Neither of them had heard that voice in three years. Although he didn't realize it, Shinji's mouth was gaping wide open as he stared at the phone. Asuka shook the phone at him, but Shinji could just shake his head. Asuka's chest convulsed as she laughed to herself, the sheer glee in her eyes suddenly infuriating the young Ikari. He hastily snatched the phone from her hand and pressed it to his ear.

"Hello?" he asked in a much more high-pitched, girly tone than he would ever do on a normal basis. Then he waited. The anxiety and fear rushed in and replaced his short-lasting courage. The dead air on the phone hung over him like Death itself. His free hand pumped into a fist and back a couple times. A small part of him felt embarrassed as he exhibited such a behavior in front of Asuka.

"… Shinji?"

"Hi, Misato," he said without hesitation. In fact, even to the astonishment of Asuka, he sounded almost confident.

"Oh my god, it really is you…" She sniffed a couple times. Was she already in tears?

"It's good to hear your voice."

"There's… There are so many things I want to talk with you about… Oh, Shinji…" She broke down and began to cry. Shinji recognized a change in volume as she moved the phone away from her mouth. His eyes finally moved and found Asuka's.

"She's crying," he explained.

'_He sure is doing this very well. I can't believe he's talking so easily after he seemed so chicken-shit scared a few moments ago. Has he really grown up so much, that he can… little Shinji can suppress his feelings so well? That's the sign of someone who is an adult. I've always had that trait… I just never could keep those feelings down. I wonder how he'll be when he hangs up the phone.'_

Before she realized that any time had passed, Asuka heard the phone beep. Shinji pulled the device away from his ear and set it down; was he done already? His face contorted into an anxious smile when he noticed her staring at him. "You're never gonna believe this."

"Jeez, what now?" the German groaned.

"Who was that?" Kana interrupted, pulling on Shinji's pant leg.

"That was an old friend of Mr. Ikari's," he explained. He decided to go a little further, seeing the confusion on the girl's face. "When I was younger, my father didn't look after me. The person who just called- she was the one who watched me. She was always doing things that were in my best interest, but I was dumb and ran away from her. I hadn't talked to her in a long time before just a minute ago."

Kana still looked confused. "What about your mommy?" she asked after a bit. This caught Shinji off-guard; how the hell was he supposed to give her an answer?

'_What kind of loser lies to a little kid? But still… I can't exactly say that her soul was absorbed into a giant humanoid bioweapon.'_ "Well, we were separated when I was a little boy, even younger than you are. A long time passed, but I know now that she was always with me, in my heart." Based on the girl's blank stare, he guessed that his answer was a bit too deep.

"Setting all that aside, I think it would be a good idea if we went and saw Misato as soon as possible," Shinji said, trying to sound confident in his decision.

"Kana, would that be OK? I know we were supposed to go meet your guardian…" Asuka asked gently. Shinji attempted to interject and deliver the news, but he closed his mouth and decided to let Kana take care of it. The young girl stood up from her seat on the couch and crossed her arms. "What's the matter?"

"Oooooh, darn it!" Kana suddenly shouted. Asuka took a step back, wondering if she had said something wrong. "How could she do this to me?!"

"W-what the hell is going on, kid?! Explain yourself!" Asuka demanded, equaling Kana's volume. Shinji simply stood back and watched, enjoying the security of the knowledge imparted to him from Misato's call.

"After all that stuff about playing a fun game, she went and ruined it! How could she be so oblivious to my feelings?!" Finally fed up with the child's rather adult-sounding rant, Asuka grabbed her shoulders firmly.

"Settle down! Tell me what's wrong." Tears began to well up in Kana's green eyes.

'_Why am I so bad with kids?'_ Asuka wondered. '_And why doesn't 'Mr. Mom' Shinji step in?!'_

"sniff… Now I can't play a game with you and Mr. Ikari… M-m… My guardian… is the woman who was just on the phone…" Asuka's eyes widened in shock as she realized the true meaning of the situation. "Why did I have to come here if she was just going to call so casually?"

The German's eyes flashed up at Shinji, who nervously chuckled. "I tried to tell you, Asuka… _Misato_ is little Kana's guardian."

…

"Geez, Misato, this place hasn't changed a bit. That says volumes about your sense of style," Asuka noted as she sat down in Misato's living room. Shinji, too, had been surprised to find the place he had once called 'home' in almost exactly the same condition.

"They say that it's bad luck to change a good thing," the apartment's owner called from the kitchen.

"You haven't changed much either, it seems," the red-head responded. True enough, Misato's outward appearance had changed little, besides the fact that her choice of clothing had become somewhat less revealing.

"My statement still stands," the dark blue-haired woman said as she entered the living room, where everyone else had gathered. She wore a pair of simple black slacks and purple tank top. She set down a teapot and some cups, then took a seat in her recliner. "Feel free to help yourselves," she added as she cracked open a beer. Misato focused her attention on Shinji as he poured himself a cup of tea, feeling a mix of sadness and nostalgia. "You're looking nice, Asuka."

The German, sporting a brand new pair of designer blue jeans and an extremely overpriced T-shirt, smiled widely. "Naturally." Shinji cleared his throat rather loudly, and Asuka decided to completely ignore it. "So who the heck is that little girl? Don't tell me she's the result of a one-night stand." The little girl had fallen asleep on Misato's couch almost as soon as she reached it.

"You really don't mince words, do you? I guess you haven't changed much either." Shinji laughed quietly. "And Shinji… It's been a while."

"Y-yeah…" he replied with a blush.

"Ah, you sounded so grown up on the phone! Why are you so shy now?" she giggled.

"It's just easier for me to handle uncomfortable things when I'm not face-to-face with someone… In any case, who is Kana?" Misato continued smiling as Shinji tried to change the subject.

"Aizawa Kana. She is _not_ my illegitimate child; she was orphaned during 'those days.' After you both left and Penpen passed away… I dunno, maybe I was just lonely, but I adopted her," Misato explained rather soberly. "She's such a smart girl, and I can guess what you thought about her based on her appearance. Her history checks out, though."

"That could have been faked," Asuka interjected.

"No, it wasn't. I still have a lot of connections within Gerhirn, ya know. The MAGI didn't find anything unusual."

"Oh? You still keep in contact with them all?" Shinji asked, suddenly interested in the conversation again.

"Well, sure… I mean, most of them stayed after NERV was decommissioned. It was kind of strange at first, being an outsider looking in…" Her gazed wandered back to Shinji. "Some of them, though, just were too hard to confront…" Kana awoke with a yawn and began a conversation with Shinji, letting Misato and Asuka have a bit of privacy.

"Has that really been bothering you all these years?" Asuka asked, leaning in closer to her former guardian.

"I could say the same to you." Soryu opened her mouth to respond, but closed it again. "I always kept an eye on him, but you… disappeared so suddenly… It took a long time to find out where you went. You must have had a tough time-"

"I've been doing fine," Asuka interjected.

"Oh. So that explains why you're wearing clothes so new, they still have tags on them," Misato noted as she pulled off a 'Medium' sticker from Asuka's shirt.

"I didn't _steal_ it, if that's what you're implying."

"No, of course not,… but I know you declined all the support the government offered. You must have gotten lucky to find a job that allows you to afford these kinds of clothes, even though you can't read kanji very well," Misato said, intentionally provoking Asuka in an attempt to find out some information.

"Yeah, I'm lucky all right…" she trailed off, unable to cover the sarcasm in her voice.

"Where are you staying now?" Misato probed, though Asuka immediately clammed up and pulled away from Katsuragi. "That bad, huh? Section 2 told me that you've been staying at Shinji's for a few days now… Anything happen?" Asuka shook her head.

"Nothing in particular." '_I can't believe that Section 2 is still watching us! After all these years, don't I deserve some privacy?!'_

"So, Misato," Shinji said rather loudly, breaking the tension between the two women in the room. "We're in danger, aren't we? Asuka and I…"

"To be honest, Shinji, we're _all_ in danger- all of Mankind."

"Jeez, what is it, more Angels?" Asuka asked under her breath.

"No. We _know_ how to deal with Angels; this time things won't be so easy."

"So what? Aliens? Rogue EVA units?"

"If what I've been told is correct, you both already know the name of the enemy," Misato said with a sigh. "This time the enemy is human- the SEELE organization." A cold silence descended on the room. Misato's eyes darted between the two young adults. Shinji had furrowed his brow and seemed to be having some trouble wrapping his mind around the situation. Asuka, on the other hand, seemed almost completely uninterested. Her face was light and carefree; she even seemed to be irritated by the seriousness of Misato's tone. "Asuka, this is a big deal."

"Hmph. Is it? These SEELE guys are the ones who orchestrated the Second Impact, right?" Misato's eyes widened. How the hell did Asuka know that? "Jeez, I'm gone for a couple years and everyone forgets that I got a degree when I was fourteen… It doesn't make sense that we suddenly found the first Angel buried in the Antarctic. SEELE had the information beforehand and caused Second Impact, right?"

"Well, yes…"

"My father was there as well," Shinji added, pushing himself further down into the couch. "Three billion people died because of their ambition. If SEELE is coming after us, I can only find one reason…" he noted coldly.

"Although Gerhirn can only speculate, we believe that agents will begin coming after you. According to secret Dead Sea Scrolls, the path to God could be opened through a 'Red Earth' ceremony, which could only be held after all seventeen of God's Messengers had come to Earth and been driven back to Heaven. SEELE attempted to initiate a Third Impact and place themselves at the heart of the Instrumentality of Man. Basically, this meant that they could be as God and reform the world in any way they saw fit," Misato explained grimly.

"But they must have failed then, huh?" Asuka asked. Shinji's eyes had begun to blur as Misato spoke, the edge of his field of vision turning white. He clamped his eyes shut and shook his head a bit, and that seemed to fix his problem. He could feel his familiar headache growing in the back of his skull.

"Seems so. It's been four years since then, and they suddenly became active again. This is their only possible plan of action… I suspect they're working on an accelerated timeline, so you two won't have much time to prepare."

"To prepare?" Asuka asked nervously. Misato reached behind her TV stand and pulled out an aluminum case. Snapping the thing open revealed two handguns. "Guns?! What the hell are _these_ for?"

"Are we going to have to shoot people?" a timid Shinji asked. Katsuragi sat back and crossed her arms.

"It will probably come down to that. It's one of the possible scenarios; in any case, you both will need to defend yourselves. I've already scheduled classes and time at a shooting range not far out of town, under assumed names of course." Shinji leaned forwards towards the case, looking closely at the two weapons. He'd never been so close to a real gun before… except the oversized EVA-prepped rail guns.

Asuka looked on in mild surprise as Shinji pulled one of the guns out of the case, holding it loosely by the textured grip. He looked at its titanium blue casing, his own broken reflection looking back at him. "You like that one?" Misato asked. He considered the question for a moment before tossing the gun up a few inches and properly grabbing the grip. He pointed the short barrel down towards the case, staring down the sight.

"It's pretty light," he noted.

"It's a SiG-Arms P232," Misato responded casually. "It's actually a rare piece; they stopped making the blue titanium case after the Second Impact." Asuka reluctantly reached into the case and pulled out the remaining weapon. It was all black and larger than the SiG; blockier, too.

"So I guess this one is mine… A Glock."

"Glock 33."

After a moment, Asuka added, "It's a .357, right?" Misato smiled, though in retrospect she wondered why Asuka knew these kinds of things about handguns. "Well, I guess this one _does_ suit me more than little Shin here." Katsuragi stood, her face full of sudden confidence.

"So, your personal defense classes begin tomorrow, Shinji and Asuka! Gerhirn will be providing much of the training, and I've also called in a few favors from the years past. You'll get the fastest and most aggressive training imaginable."

"Misato… Do I have to pay for all this?" Shinji asked quietly. "Because everything else- Ow, damnit!" he yelled as Asuka hit him with the butt of her gun.

"That's what they call a 'pistol whip'," Asuka explained in a light tone. Misato couldn't help but giggle, but inside her heart was breaking. Watching these two… The two she cared about the most… holding guns so naturally… It sickened her.

End of Fascination.

Author's note: So, it's been a while! I mentioned somewhere that chapter 5 would be out before, Halloween- I always end up cutting things so close. I've been more and more reclusive lately, spending more time online and less time outside. 'Borderline hikikomori' is how I would describe myself. But I'm close to being back at university, so maybe I'll be OK. I've been busy expanding my manga library; it's so expensive sometimes! I read over $150 worth of manga one week. It's horrifying.


	6. Base Motives, Disappointment

Beyond the Pleasure Principle  
_pulled from thin air _by the.Merines  
started: 18:51 11.14.06  
finished: 19:32 01.12.07  
published: 01.12.07  
disclaimed: You know how it goes… see other chapters for legal stuff.

Prenote from the.Merines: This chapter is rated OT (older teen) for some adult situations and language. Nothing lemon. In other news, hisashiburi da na! It's been a while. I wrote the first couple paragraphs, got stumped and set it down for a while. Wrote a few more, backpedaled, and got stuck before "that scene," which you will discover as you read. Sorry for the wait. Not that anyone cares :

Also, thanks to Kyo Tetsuei for pointing out a rather stupid error on my part!

Base Motives; Disappointment

"Ahh! So nice to be home again!" Shinji exclaimed with a happy sigh as he kicked his shoes off. "You hungry?" he asked Asuka as she did the same.

"Starving," was her response. "Though it _was_ you who did the cooking, the lack of ingredients was obvious over at Misato's place. That woman'll never grow up." Shinji walked into the kitchen as Asuka sat down in the living room. "Now that we're back here, the merits of living on your own are completely renewed in my eyes."

'_Says the girl who pays no rent and has no job,' _Shinji noted. '_Though she definitely considers this her home now.'_

"In any case how did you convince her it was OK for us to come back here? I thought she was totally devoted to the idea that we were open targets at your apartment," Asuka asked. A little smile appeared on her face as she realized that the couch smelled like Shinji, unlike Misato's perfume-soaked apartment.

"Well, we both did really well on the shooting range… I kinda convinced her that we could defend ourselves should any physical attack take place," his voice explained from the kitchen. Asuka pulled a month-old newspaper off the ground and began reading it, though she was hardly interested in its content.

"You mean all that whining I heard about you missing school and work were just my ears playing tricks on me?"

"I was _not_ whining!" Shinji yelled as he leaned back out of the kitchen and glared at Asuka. She grinned behind the newspaper and held it up over her face until he was gone. "Besides, I'm not trying to make a point here or anything, but that job is what has been supporting you for the past month."

"Misato said you planned on asking the national government for some kind of extra allowance. What's with that?" Asuka questioned in a blank tone. There was no response for a moment as he considered a less harsh answer than the one which first came to mind.

'_Well, duh! You only want expensive clothes and dinners at exotic restaurants! Though I'm the one who always gives in…'_

"To be honest, my job and savings aren't enough to support both of us, especially since you needed a wardrobe. I just figured it would be easier for me to ask for a bit more than before; that way the Japanese government would still be blind to your presence here," he explained slowly, trying not to make it sound like it was her fault.

"So you're saying it's my fault."

'_Strike one…'_

"If the government knows, then it's only a matter of time before SEELE finds out. Misato said that it has spies in every nation's government, and in the past it also controlled the United Nations as well. Not to say that our security is the _only_ reason…" he said as he poured just a bit more vodka into a cup of orange juice. "You like Screwdrivers, right?"

"Huh?" she asked as she strolled into the kitchen.

"You know what curiosity killed?" he asked with a chuckle. He picked up a small glass and handed it to her, ice cubes clinking against the glass. "I think we deserve to relax after working so hard all week. Come on… It's not like I put a roofie in there or something," Shinji added when he noticed the doubt written all over her face.

"You sure are acting out of character," Asuka replied in a low tone as she gingerly took the drink from him. "You do a lot of drinking?" He shrugged but the smile never left his face.

"I've come to the conclusion that it's a behavior I learned from Misato, but after long periods of stress I usually have a drink. After finals weeks, after a week spent in overtime, after a bad relationship…" He paused for a moment when he realized the information he had just revealed to Asuka. Shinji turned away from her when she gave him a quizzical glance. "I think I'm just going to order something…"

…

After ordering a pizza, Shinji found his way to his recliner. Asuka stared at him across the room from the couch. "What- is there dirt on my face?" he asked nervously. The fact that she may have been exhibiting some sort of jealously wasn't lost on Shinji, but he respectfully ignored it.

"No, you don't," she responded, but her stare remained for several long moments before she spoke again. "So… While Misato spent everyday in her room crying back then… You were out on _dates_?" Asuka asked with understated incredulousness, while pushing the reason of the question away from her personal inquiry. The young Ikari clasped his hands in his lap and lowered his head. "So? I'm waiting for an explanation."

'_I know… Ever since I left Misato's apartment those years ago and tried living normally, having to answer to this question was inevitable. But because I expected it, I had a long time to come up with an answer.'_

"Yeah… well… You know I tried to live a normal life after I left. But starting out, of course I was just the same person… I was shy and kept to myself as I finished junior high, but I was accepted to a really good high school here in Tokyo-3. That's why I moved back." Shinji stared down at his hands, too worried to even glance at Asuka. She was judging him right now; there was no doubt in his mind of that. "I got my part-time job before freshman year, three years ago, and I got to know some of my older co-workers who attended the same school as me. I guess I can credit them for changing me from the scared boy you knew… into the person you see before you now.

"I'm thankful to all of the friends I made then. They were all kind and outgoing people who always tried to get me out of the shell I'd sealed myself into," he said, a nostalgic smile appearing on his face. "After two semesters together, they all graduated and left town. I guess the old Shinji would have been devastated; I would have sealed myself away from everything and run away again, just like I ran away from Misato and you. But… I was… different. I was popular in school- probably partly because I was an EVA pilot- but also because I treated everyone well. Somehow, I became a respectable and intelligent young man. Even at my workplace, I was promoted because of my disposition.

"I don't know _how_ I turned out to be OK… You thought I was hopeless back then, and if I knew a kid like me… I'd probably agree. Since then I came to feel a kind of connection with everyone." He finally looked up, finding Asuka leaning back against the couch, her arms folded. "Sorry, I guess I'm giving a rather long-winded answer."

"It's fine. I kinda wondered how the hell you got over all that emotional stuff you went through," she answered softly. Inside, she wished the same could be said of her. He sighed before continuing.

"I never thought I'd see any of you again, and I guess… that was alright with me. 'Maybe I'll relapse into that same depression' I thought. The first girl I dated was one of my older friends, before she graduated. It only lasted a couple months, but at the time I thought I was in love. Looking back… I was really stupid," he said with a goofy grin. "But the situation gave me a reputation in school as being a nice, approachable guy. I got a number of confessions right at the beginning of the second year. None of them really worked out… but it was a 'growing-up' experience.

"I gave up on woman for my senior year. I had to turn down a number of really nice girls because I wanted to prioritize my life before college. So that's where I stand now: single and studious." He paused for a moment, but Asuka said nothing. "I've felt love, been burned and backstabbed… but that's all part of growing up, right?"

"You really have been thought a lot, huh?" she asked, her voice unintentionally cold.

"I guess… but nothing outside the-"

"-normal," she interrupted. She cringed inwardly. '_I'm such a moron… Why am I getting so jealous?! People tell these stories of things all the time, and they have never bothered me before!' _"So now you bust out into these kinds of long-winded stories of your past all the time, huh?" Shinji put a hand behind his head and smiled sheepishly.

"Sorry. I suppose I have wanted to answer that question for a long time… It feels good to get it off my chest. These days… I'm convinced that there _are_ kind people in the world… and I want to be one of them, too." Shinji took a sip of some dark drink: root beer and Jagermeister.

"So, is that why you're helping me out like this?" she muttered.

"Huh?" he asked, only hearing a small part of her mostly sarcastic and rhetorical question. She weakly waved her free hand in the air to dismiss his inquisition. He'd react with some response like, '_No, of course not… I just want to help out an old friend… as payback for not being around when she needed me._' Asuka was tired of hearing him talk.

"Jeez…" she complained after she took a sip of her own drink.

"Too strong?" Shinji wondered.

"No… It's good," she responded, her face unsmiling yet still looking oddly content. Shinji pulled his laptop off the floor and powered it up. After a moment he sighed loudly.

"Oh man, there's already an email from Misato," he said with a quiet laugh a moment later.

"What's it say?" Shinji cleared his voice and did his best to fit his voice to the tone of the email… perhaps adding a bit of dramatic effect.

"'Dear little Shinji, if you've got the time to check your email, you probably didn't listen to my advice to get out of town for a while. You always were a stubborn brat'," he read with a chuckle. "'I'm glad you are OK, and I'm glad you've got Asuka there with you'…" His voice trailed off as he rolled his eyes.

"What does it say next? I'm guessing something completely moronic?" Asuka queried, leaning forward. Shinji took another drink and returned his voice to normal.

"Yeah… 'I'm glad you've got Asuka there with you. I always thought you two were so cute together. Maybe by now you have the cojones to do something about that emotion that both of you sorely miss. I'm so happy for you'… Yeah, it's something ignorant."

"Are you sure that isn't just your innermost wish you're reading?" Asuka asked coyly, an odd light in her eyes. Shinji blinked in feigned confusion.

"Huh?"

"Jeez, are you really so dense?" she muttered under her breath.

"I didn't hear you," Shinji pointed out as he leaned forward. It was a lie; he actually did hear her, but he wondered if she wanted to play this game for a bit longer… Asuka noticed that his drink was already gone, and by the look on his face he was a little intoxicated. She took a long drink of her own concoction to suppress the feelings bubbling in her gut.

"Nevermind. You ready for another round?" she asked playfully, shaking her empty glass.

"Hell yes," he emphasized as he quickly stood and went to the kitchen. Asuka realized that, from the looks of things, he couldn't hold his liquor. Of course, neither could she, as she'd proven that night at the club. She found him as he was pulling one bottle each of medium-grade vodka and Jagermeister out of his small fridge.

"I bet I can down two shots of that vodka before you even finish two shots of that Jager," she wagered, wagging a finger at the young man. Shinji blinked slowly, still bent over, his head halfway inside the fridge. "What; are you afraid to get beaten by a girl at a simple drinking game?"

"You think you can beat me? Jagermeister is freakin' candy-flavored goodness. One shot of straight vodka will have you on your knees," he threatened with a smile as he slowly straightened his back. He realized that he was already pretty tipsy, probably because he hadn't eaten much.

Fast-forward twenty minutes and a combined total of twelve shots later.

The two former pilots stumbled out of the kitchen. "How the hell are you so drunk already?!" Asuka yelled loudly, though it was Shinji who was holding her steady. He let her go as they neared the couch, and letting her fall into a sitting position. "Why did we stop?"

"'Cuz you're drunk, Asuka," he responded, not really able to cobble together a more convincing argument.

"You just wussed out! That means I win!" she shouted as she threw her arms up in the air. Without anymore fanfare she demanded, "Another screwdriver."

"Maybe we should lay off the drinks for a while," Shinji slowly explained.

"You bastard! You're trying to take advantage of me!"

"How do you figure?" he asked with a chuckle, trying to sway her away from the anger which was surfacing. "I'm taking advantage of you _because_ I won't give you another drink? Shouldn't it work the other way around?"

"D… Don't you try to confuse me, stupid Shinji," she pouted. Shinji couldn't help but smile as he sat next to her. "Hey, don't act so familiar with me…"

"How can't I act familiar around you, Asuka? I've known you for more than three years… Geez, it's really been a long time. I still remember when I first met you on the 'Over the Rainbow.'"

"Yeah, you damn jerks were all staring at my panties."

"Heh, well, young boys do that kind of thing…"

"Oh come on, you know you liiiked it." Asuka leaned over on Shinji's shoulder. "So how 'bout now?"

"Hm?" Shinji asked quietly, too drunk to fully comprehend what was on her mind. He turned his head to face her and found her face only a few inches away from his. He smelled the vodka as she breathed, but it didn't bother him. Time passed slowly for both of them, but neither one minded. Asuka placed a hand on the middle of Shinji's upper leg, which was met with a simple smile. "Whatter you doing?"

"Do you like this?"

"This?" Normally he wouldn't have asked such a stupid thing. Normally she would have become furious if confronted with such a stupid question. But neither of their brains was thinking normally, as is the usual effect of alcohol. The two of them just looked at each other, not tense or uncomfortable as her hand traced up his leg.

"Do you like this?" she asked again.

"Are you really sure this is what you want?" he questioned coolly. Before the word 'yes' was even out of her mouth, she leaned forward and brought her lips upon his. For several long moments they remained in that awkward position, with Asuka leaning her body across the couch, putting all of her weight onto the hand which was rather close to Shinji's lower abdomen.

Shinji did what seemed natural and leaned back into her, slowly but surely putting more and more of his body on top of hers. Both of them enjoyed the pure bliss of the emotion-filled and thoughtless action of which they both partook. Suddenly, as he tried to position his body over Asuka's, Shinji's left hand found nothing but air where he thought there was couch. He tilted over and ungracefully fell off the couch and onto the floor below. In a similarly clumsy movement, Asuka rolled herself off the couch and onto Shinji's prone form. They once again locked lips and enjoyed every moment of it.

This went on for an undetermined amount of time. As he began to explore the foreign area under Asuka's t-shirt, he felt her ineptly fumbling with his belt buckle with her free hand while its counterpart ran itself through his hair and over his chest and stomach. It was the simple pleasure which is programmed into all humans that drove them, their inhibitions lifted by the concoction of alcohol, underlying emotion, and circumstance. Shinji realized with an alarming serenity that he'd found the border of her frilly bra.

With the same sense of nonchalance, he felt the warmth of Asuka's hand break into his boxers. Though the passage of time was unsteady for them, less than a second later the doorbell rang though the apartment. Neither of them halted their actions in the least. The bell rang two more times, then several more times in quick succession. A vague disappointment filled Shinji as Asuka's hand retreated and pushed gently on his stomach, their lips finally breaking the embrace.

"Who the hell is that?" she whispered, obviously angry, as she removed herself from Shinji. As she walked to the door, Shinji slowly sat up and re-zipped his pants. "Who is it?" he heard Asuka ask the metal grate.

"Asuka, is that you?" a male voice asked quickly. Asuka coughed loudly from a mix of surprise and distress. Shinji quickly made his way into a standing position and joined Asuka at his door. Unthinking, he pressed the 'open' button, and the door silently slid back into the wall. Standing immediately outside the doorway was a young man several inches taller than Shinji. He seemed to be a couple years older than the two former pilots, and his shaved, bald head caused warnings to go off even in Shinji's cloudy mind. The tight muscle shirt he wore did its job at showing off the man's defined upper body.

"Who are you?" Shinji asked angrily, taking a small step between the stranger and Asuka. Faced with the situation, looking at the two of them, their faces flushed and hair distressed, their eyes glassy, the stranger did what he felt was justified. He pulled his arm back, formed a fist, and punched Shinji directly on his cheek. His left cheek, to be exact. Shinji fell to the floor from the force of the blow.

"What the fuck, Yuuichi?!" Asuka screamed. The one named Yuuichi cracked his fist.

"I'm Asuka's boyfriend, you asshole," he sneered as Shinji wiped the blood from his lip. His angry gaze turned on Asuka before he turned away. "We're going. Come on."

"You're the asshole! How could you just… You asshole!" Asuka yelled, still to drunk to come up with a better response.

"So this is why you left," Yuuichi commented over his shoulder. "For some fuckin' loser. You're pathetic, do you know that?!"

"We broke up, Yuuichi! Let it go! I don't have any feelings for you anymore!"

"That ain't what you said before you left. **I** took you in. **I** took you off the streets and gave you a fucking home and food. I guess I just wanted to see who you were _using_ now that you left me," he replied nonchalantly. "Maybe this kid will wise up before you totally use him up." The man strode away as Shinji finally got back on his feet.

The door slid shut, leaving the two of them in silence. Asuka took a few steps away from the door, holding her arms close to her chest. "I'm sorry, Shinji… I don't know how he found out where you lived. He was my boyfriend for a while back a ways… really, barely more than a friend…"

"So that ring on his finger… was from his new girlfriend?" Shinji asked cautiously as the adrenaline began to overcome the alcohol. Asuka's eyes widened. "Couldn't be, since he was here to get you back… so…"

"Shinji, don't blow things out of proportion."

"Was he your fiancé?" Shinji asked with a quiet yet deadly quality. "Just tell me the truth… It'll be easier in the long run." He balled his fists at his sides as he waited for her answer. "Were you engaged to that guy?"

After several moments of agonizing, Asuka responded, "Yes."

Within seconds Shinji was at the refrigerator door, the bottle of Jagermeister at his lips. "Shinji, stop," Asuka pleaded after she found him. He kept chugging the liquor. "Stop, Shinji," she said with a more commanding tone. "Don't you see that this is just another way of running away…?" He raised the bottle and finished it, then finally pulled it away from his mouth and began coughing. He continued coughing for what seemed like a long time.

"I don't care," he stated, his voice ragged. He slammed the bottle down on the counter and then reached back into the fridge for the vodka. "Everything that just happened tonight… We were just drunk; it doesn't really mean anything… Right?" Asuka found it difficult to look into his pleading eyes. "Right?!" he screamed.

"It did have meaning!" she screamed right back at him. Shinji didn't hesitate to bring the vodka bottle to his lips, but immediately regretted it.

_I forgot… I hate vodka_.

He gave up and walked silently to his room, Asuka following closely behind him. He slid the door closed behind him. "Shinji, I'm sorry! Let me in!" There was no answer. "You idiot! Idiot! Idiot!!" She retreated to the living room and threw herself onto the couch. Her mind and body felt dull as her adrenaline drained away and the drunk feeling subsided. As tears poured out of her eyes, wetting the pillow her face was pushed into, she wished her heart could feel as dull.

Behind his closed door, Shinji's head swam. The room seemed to spin around him as he lay there. But, even despite all the alcohol in his brain, Asuka was the only thing he could think about. He wondered if it was possible that he had always loved Asuka, and he wondered if things would just blow over.

He wondered if she would still be there in the morning, and he wondered if he could face her again.

End of chapter 06.

Postnote: So, a little sappy, maybe a little lime-scented, but I accomplished my objective. Now we know what the romantic lives of Shinji and Asuka were like in the past 2 years. I hope you enjoyed it. I tried to move away from the whole SEELE plotline I introduced in chapters prior and put the focus back on Shinji and Asuka for the moment. PS- I don't promote underaged drinking!


	7. Projective ID, Reality Principle

Beyond the Pleasure Principle  
by the.Merines  
started: 12:16 01/15/07  
finished: 10:41 01/16/07  
published: 01/16/07  
disclaimed: You know how it goes… see other chapters for legal stuff.

Projective Identification; Reality Principle

Asuka woke up with a groan. Her head was swimming, just like that time before.

No… This time there was something more than a hangover. Her heart hurt. There was a painful tightness in her chest. The events of the night before would not be forgotten so easily.

With a growl from her stomach, she slowly made her way to the kitchen. There was no prepared meal ready for her, no note from Shinji. She noticed that his shoes and bookbag were gone, so he must have gone back to school.

'_He'll probably go back to work, too, in order to stay away from here as much as possible. That jerk…'_

She erased those angry thoughts before they could aggravate her headache anymore.

'_If he thinks I am going to be gone when he comes back, he's got another thing coming. I have to show him… that what happened… that the reason I called him that night and not anyone else… Ahhh, damnit!'_

---

As Shinji clocked into work with a yawn and entered the customer service booth, he was met with a loud greeting from Ryu.

"Holy crap, you're alive! Welcome back!" his co-worker said with obvious happiness, ignoring the customer at his window.

"I'm home," Shinji replied with a sarcastic chuckle before retreating into the back office. He noticed that things had become far less organized in his absence. Papers were strewn about, reports left in the wrong areas, and notes from his supervisor which basically said that his job was on the line.

"So, where the hell have you been? The manager said that you suddenly asked for a week of vacation and left without getting her approval. That's an easy way to get fired, dude," Ryu noted as he stood in the office's doorway.

"Nothing really. I just needed some time off," Shinji said with a tired voice.

"You OK?" Shinji nodded, but his body language told another story. "Come on, it's not like I don't know that something's bothering you. It's written all over you. Whatever happened to that girl that night? The one who called? You seemed really worried about her."

"She got too drunk at a bar, and she needed help getting home. That's all," Shinji coldly replied. He went to work hoping to get away from hearing about Asuka, and Ryu's questioning was already annoying him.

"So? What about that girl you said that you liked? Wasn't she the same one?"

"Yeah. It was just the old impression I had of her that I liked. She's engaged to some big muscle head now, so I guess I don't really need to be worrying about a girl like that," he explained with a forced smile in an attempt to dissuade Ryu from bothering him further.

"Oh? She was engaged? How come she didn't call her fiancé for help that night?"

"I don't know, OK?!" Shinji suddenly yelled. "They must have had an argument or something. Yeah… Why else would she contact me so suddenly? She just needed a bit of help until things cooled off… I got myself all worked up over it. Sorry…" Shinji trailed off.

"It's OK, man. Girls drive me nuts sometimes, too. It messes with your head, ya know?" Ryu replied in a concerned yet casual way. This surprised Shinji; he expected Ryu to simply walk away and stay out of his way for the rest of the night.

"Thanks, Ryu… You're a good guy."

"Don't I know it! You're an asshole for yelling at me, though," he noticed with a laugh as he went out to help a customer. Shinji sighed.

'_I guess that's right… Asuka just needed to clear her head for a while. But… That really can't be the truth, no matter how much I wish it was. She really planned on staying at my apartment for a while- she planned on starting a new life. But… Why couldn't she just say that she was running away from a mistake she made with some guy? I guess she was just too proud, but…'_

Shinji simply could not get that fact out of his mind. Asuka had been in such a deep relationship that she was ready to marry someone. She was ready to marry someone Shinji had never met before. He had never seen Asuka as the kind of person who would marry- especially to a guy like that jerk.

He could not forgive her for hiding that fact. Even if they were no longer engaged; even if she never really loved that guy; even if it was too embarrassing to explain… She just walked back into his otherwise happy life and expected him to care for her. How could she do something like that? Had she just been manipulating him all this time, trying to get her way? If she could be engaged to someone and break it off so easily, how would Shinji know that any feelings he felt from her were true?

_'She said that her actions last night had meaning.'_

However, in Shinji's mind, anything she said may well have been a lie.

…

A few hours later, after Ryu had gone home and Shinji had closed the customer service desk, he picked up the store's phone and dialed Misato's number. "Yes. Misato, it's me, Shinji… Hello, how are you? I'm OK… No, actually. I have a favor to ask you. I found out something yesterday, and I'd like you to dig up some information for me. It's about what Asuka's been doing since she left your place…"

---

The door to Shinji's apartment slid open with a whoosh, and the apartment's owner walked in. He set his bookbag down and took off his shoes, purposefully oblivious to the young woman standing directly in front of him. Asuka stood with her feet spread apart and her arms folded. Shinji noted, with a hint of irony, that she was wearing the burnt orange pajamas he'd bought for her only last week. He stood there and finally met her gaze, intentionally making his eyes blank.

"I need to talk to you," Asuka finally said, trying to make the first move. Shinji stared at her for almost a minute longer before finally side-stepping her and making his way into the kitchen. Asuka sighed and followed him.

"… I guess I'll make my lunch tomorrow morning, then…" Shinji muttered. He exited the kitchen and tried to get down the hallway to his room, but Asuka quickly threw her body in front of him, blocking his way once again.

"You're just going to ignore me?" she asked, her voice wavering slightly. Shinji's face remained stony; it was a look that reminded Asuka of Shinji's father. That coldness in his eyes, the utter and complete disdain for what was before him… It frightened her a little.

"I don't have much of a choice, now do I?" he questioned quietly. Her eyes narrowed at his snide remark.

"So, the new and improved Shinji isn't as impenetrable as he'd like everyone to believe, huh?" she countered.

"Coming from someone like you, that's kind of funny." Asuka fought the urge to slap him as hard as she could.

"We can't all be perfectly _normal_, Shinji! We can't all just run away from our problems and have a nice life fall into our laps! The whole time you were living as a _normal_ teenager, doing _normal_ things with _normal_ friends, where do you think I was? I woke up from the coma, and you were just gone. You disappeared without saying goodbye or anything. After I got sick of Misato's constant crying and moved out, where do you think I went?" Asuka exclaimed as she became more and more upset. The emotions that had been broiling inside the two of them could no longer be kept inside.

"It doesn't matter to me where you were. You came to me when you needed help, and I accepted you with open arms, without any questions… Now this comes up, at the worst possible time, and you want to pretend like it isn't a problem," Shinji quietly stated, doing his best to keep his anger in check.

"You accepted me before, but you don't now? Because I made a mistake in the past, and the guy who was at the heart of that mistake doesn't know when to let go? It's not my fault that he came here looking for me after more than a fucking year!" Shinji's eyes flashed for just a second. "Yeah, that's right. It's been more than a year since I'd seen Yuuichi. What, did you think I ran straight from his arms into yours? Are you seriously so conceited? I didn't think you were so stupid now."

"You almost _married_ someone, Asuka. That's not something that just happens overnight, you know. Were you in love with that guy?"

"Whether I was or wasn't, isn't the issue here!" Asuka screamed as she placed a hand over her heart. "Only I know what's inside me! So what if I jumped into a committed relationship when I wasn't ready yet? Do you think I didn't learn from that mistake? Do you really think that I would want to tell you something like that right out of the gates, especially when we were getting along so well?"

The last part of that statement struck both Shinji and Asuka. Asuka immediately realized that what she said was the truth, but it wasn't something she had meant to say out loud. Shinji's thoughts stopped dead in their tracks as he began to second-guess his pre-planned argument. "What…?"

"That's right. I was too young and _foolish _to realize what I was getting into. The more time I spent with Yuuichi, the more I knew him… the less I could stand him. After a while he began to hold over me the fact that he was providing me with food and shelter. He more or less _forced_ me to accept his proposal; otherwise he would have thrown me out of the street without anything," Asuka quietly explained. Shinji remained silent as she spoke, his demeanor becoming less and less angry. He had to fight himself not to reach out to her when he noticed the shimmer of tears in her eyes. "Since you're so goddamn hung up on knowing absolutely everything about what happened, Yuuichi hit me. After we were engaged, anytime I'd try to back out or even just disagree with him, he'd hit me. You can see that he doesn't hold back after last night…"

Shinji was dumbfounded by this- absolutely awestruck. Asuka, who was one of the toughest and strongest people he'd ever known, had submitted to this kind of harassment? He had a hard time believing it, but… love can do crazy things to people.

"So… you got out of there?" he asked slowly.

"Obviously… I lived with an acquaintance for as long as they could stand me free-loading off them, and I did what I could after that… When I reached the end of the road, your name was the only one I could think to call…" As much as she wished she was able to hold it back, a single tear streamed down her cheek.

"The end… of the road… huh?"

"So you see," she said after a moment, "it was nothing but a huge mistake that I have to live with for the rest of my life. If you want to judge me based on that, then go right ahead." With those words she stepped out of his way. After a few seconds, he made his way to his doorway before stopping once again.

"You're welcome to stay here for as long as you like," he stated over his shoulder.

"What about last night?" she quickly asked.

"What about it?"

"The things that happened… It wasn't just the alcohol, you know…"

"Mm…" The door to his room slid shut, separating the two once again. A shaky sigh slipped out of Asuka's mouth as she turned away from his room.

…

Three hours later Shinji lie awake, his hands behind his head. He realized that he felt lonely without Asuka in the room. As difficult as it was to shake the feelings of anger and betrayal that he'd been experiencing all day, he was doing his best to overcome them. That wasn't what was keeping him awake, however.

_'Asuka… It doesn't make sense for her to lead me on at this point… but does she really feel that way about me? What is she does; what the heck am I supposed to do? She must know how I feel about her, but… She's never been so direct with me before. I don't know how to react to Asuka acting this way. If she really allowed someone to do something like that to her… I should provide her the support she needs, but… Am I really able to do anything about it? Even if she can return the feelings I have for her, who is to say that she would want a relationship? Maybe it's easier if we're just good friends… I can't imagine what's gone through her head since last night. I was an idiot to jump to conclusions like that… Damnit.'_

Ever so slowly, the door to his bedroom began to slide open. Taking a page out of his days in Misato's apartment, he quickly rolled onto his side and closed his eyes. He listened as she did her best to silently enter his room and slide the door closed behind her. Shinji was more preoccupied with trying to figure out her movements through sound rather than determining a reason for her actions.

Asuka's footsteps padded to his futon, where she paused for a moment and took a deep breath. Shinji felt her lie down and gently pull the covers over her. She pushed herself closer to his back and wrapped an arm around his chest. Both of them considered waking the other and saying something romantic… but nothing much came to mind. They fell asleep together, finally able to leave behind the pain that the day had brought to them.

---

Asuka awoke at noon the next day. Shinji was already gone at school, of course.

_'I didn't realize I was so tired. I guess being under such stress all day was rough…'_

She yawned and stretched her arms over her head. Asuka knew that she had told Shinji something she had promised herself that she would never tell anyone else, but she didn't feel any regret. She knew that things wouldn't be the same after what happened, but maybe that was a good thing. It was better that Shinji knew.

A faint smile crossed Asuka's face when she found a prepared lunch sitting on the kitchen table. 'Just nuke it for 25 seconds,' the note said. She did just that, but as she noticed something on the other side of the note as the microwave ran.

'I'm so sorry, Asuka. I didn't know.'

'_All that idiot ever says is sorry… Well, I guess this time it's OK.'_

---

Shinji arrived home from work just after sunset. For once he had been able to work a short shift rather than working all night. "I'm home, Asuka!" he said in a happy tone. There was no response. He decided she must have been napping or something and began to look for her. She was not in the kitchen… not the living room… not the bathroom… not his bedroom…

She wasn't in the apartment.

'_I guess she might have gone out… After all, it's unusual for me to be home this early.'_

That thought was dashed to pieces as he returned to his living room. It was an absolute wreck; granted, he was no clean freak, but it hadn't been nearly a messy the night before. Newspapers and magazines were strewn all over the place, and a broken cup was on the ground next to the couch. Shinji spied an odd light source under the couch and grabbed it.

It was a cell phone- Asuka's, he assumed. It was still open and connected to her voice mailbox. He pressed the number to retrieve the last received voice mail and held it to his ear.

"Asuka, you are coming back with me no matter what. That kid had better be gone when I get there. If you try to fight me, you know what'll happen. If you run away again, you know I'll find you. You're **mine**."

Shinji dropped the phone, his eyes wide. That voice, so full of malice and hate… was the guy from last night. He panicked, running around the room, as he wondered what to do. Finally, he picked up his own phone and dialed. "Misato, that favor I asked," he quickly said before his former guardian could speak up. "No I need his address _now_."

After the call was over, Shinji ran back to his room. He reached into the back of his closet and pulled out a black box. He fumbled on his keychain for a moment before finding the right one and unlocking the box. Inside was the blue titanium of the SiG-Sauer Misato had given him. Of course it was extremely illegal for him to have a gun in his possession, but Misato had assured him that he would be considered a part of NERV- and thus above Japanese law- if he were to be arrested.

He loaded the magazine and pushed it into the weapon. Shinji felt the same jitters he always used to feel when he got into the EVA. That incredible sense of powerlessness, the horrible fright, and the looming sensation of danger…

Shinji swallowed hard as he left his apartment, the gun buried under some random groceries he'd gathered and put into a plastic bag. Within minutes he hopped onto a train that was going out of Tokyo-3. This was the first time in over a year that he had left the city, and he wished it was for a more enjoyable reason.

'_I know I won't need this gun, but… To get Asuka out of that situation, to make sure that she's safe… I'll do anything.'_

End of chapter 7.

Author's note: Riding the wave of inspiration from chapter 6, here (in rather short order) is chapter 7. Not a whole lot really happens, except leading into chapter 8, which will be the finale. I wrote this rather quickly, so I hope it isn't too horrible.


	8. Beyond the Pleasure Principle, Part 1

Beyond the Pleasure Principle by Merines  
started: 15:03 01/17/07  
finished: 18:26 07/31/07  
published: 07/31/07  
disclaimed: You know how it goes… see other chapters for legal stuff. You should re-read the last bits of chapter 7 since it's been so long.

Beyond the Pleasure Principle, Part 1

Asuka's eyes cracked opened before she had even completely regained consciousness. Slowly but surely, the blackness crept out of her vision as oxygenated blood finally coursed through her head once again. She realized that she was in a sitting position, and tried to stand.

Reality hit her like a train as she remembered just what had happened. There she sat, in Yuuichi's apartment. Her ankles were bound tightly to the legs of the wooden chair, and her arms were tied behind her back. The warmth of the blood which matted her hair to her head triggered more memories to shuffle back into order.

He'd somehow burst into Shinji's apartment, despite the building's security measures. Asuka had been sitting in the kitchen, trying to decide what to prepare for dinner, when he'd rushed her. Looking back, she should have kept her gun close at hand, but hindsight is always 20/20. Asuka did her best to struggle against him, but she'd lost her edge in the past couple years and was easily overpowered.

As he tried to drag her out of the apartment, she managed to break his grasp and run across the floor's hallway. However, he caught up to her with unbelievable speed, and knocked her unconscious with some blunt object.

_'So this is where my life has led me. Forever tied down to this moron… God, why can't he just get over it already?! He never went this far before. That bastard, if I can get free…'_

She struggled once again and continued to do so until the rope began to burn her wrists and ankles. Finally, she realized that Yuuichi's apartment was completely silent. He was nowhere to be found- which was really quite odd.

---

Shinji got off the express train after twenty minutes of traveling. He didn't even know this city's name, and he only knew the general direction in which he was heading. Despite this, Shinji broke into a dead run as soon as he had the room to do so. The city was unbelievably quiet. No taxis were in sight.

_'It's probably for the best. Being caught with this gun would only cause a delay, no matter how you look at it.'_

He concentrated on nothing but his destination. He'd entered the address into Asuka's phone and had tried to memorize his route during the train ride. As he rushed by the numerous other pedestrians on the city's sidewalk, they have him strange looks. To them he was nothing more than a rude nobody. Even if they recognized who he was, none of the people gave him a second thought.

Before he knew it, Shinji was running up the stairs of Yuuichi's apartment building.

'_Number 391… 391… 391…'_

He didn't have a plan. He didn't know what he was going to say or do. He wasn't even sure if he could do anything to get Asuka out of that place. But that was what he was going to do, no matter what.

'_Even if she yells at me and hates me for it… I have to save her, just this one last time! She shouldn't expect anything less… from the one who loves her.'_

He reached the third floor in short order and began counting down the doors. Finally, he reached number 391… The door was already open, just barely. Shinji, who in his mind was able to face whatever or whoever was on the other side of the doorway, burst into the apartment. He immediately took a step back and covered his mouth with his hands. Bile rose up from his stomach as he looked at the sight in front of him.

Misato turned around slowly from her position in the apartment's interior. "I've been waiting," she whispered.

"That guy…" Shinji said, his voice shaking, as he pointed towards what was left of Yuuichi's torn and bloodied corpse. "What the hell happened?" Misato put a firm hand on his shoulder and pushed him out into the hallway. "You didn't do that, did you, Misato?" he questioned in a horrified tone.

"Of course not," she replied coldly as she shut the apartment's door behind them. At a brisk walk, she took off towards the nearest staircase. Shinji followed without question. "I should've known. I should have been able to see through their damned scheme…" she muttered.

"What are you talking about? What the hell happened back there? Where's Asuka?!"

"They took her. They killed him."

"**Who**?!" Misato suddenly stopped, her head lowered and fists clamped tight.

"SEELE." Shinji's eyes widened at the revelation. He suddenly felt disoriented as they descended the staircase, and nearly lost his balance. "They approached that Yuuichi guy two months ago and asked him to get his hands on Asuka. It took him those two months to find out that she was with you. When he came over to your apartment last night, it was mostly to confirm his information." Their heavy footsteps were the only sound as they raced towards the ground floor.

Shinji took note of Misato's holstered firearm as her beaten red jacket flapped back.

Misato and Shinji burst out of the apartment building and ran across the street, nearly being run over by the cross-traffic. Neither one of them batted an eye. They got themselves into Misato's car as quickly as they could. Misato shoved the shifter into first and smashed the gas, causing the car to fishtail as it accelerated into the stream of traffic. Within a minute they were on the speedway heading towards Tokyo-3.

"So, those people… They were behind NERV back then, right?" Shinji asked.

"They were behind _everything_ back then. After the Angels attacked, for whatever reason, they ceased all activity for about a year. We discovered that their ultimate goal is to begin the Third Impact, which would destroy all of mankind," Misato explained solemnly.

"Why? What does Asuka have to do with any of that?!"

"Whoever controls the first Angel, Adam, controls Third Impact. Essentially, they gain the power of God." Shinji's face contorted into something like a mix of confusion and déjà vu, as if he had imagined such a thing before. Misato didn't notice, as she had all of her concentration on weaving her Alpine through the traffic.

"So… SEELE hired that guy to get his hands on Asuka since he had a history with her," Shinji said, trying to clear the situation in his head.

"Right, and when they didn't need him anymore, they killed him. Asuka… You see, Shinji, the Spear of Longinus is necessary for the Third Impact to begin. Of course we don't have the technology to bring it back from its lunar orbit, but there is a second way."

"A second…"

"EVA Unit 01."

"So… they are using her to… get to me…" Shinji's brain became locked, unable to move forward from that point. He brought his knees to his head and wrapped his arms around his shins. The familiar pain he had managed to hold down since he'd run away all those years ago resurfaced all at once. "It's because of me… Why…? Why'd they have to use her…?"

"They've taken the Geofront by now. The evacuation order went through, thankfully… More than likely, the entrances to the Geofront will be heavily guarded. We'll charge through with the car." Misato paused for a moment as they entered the valley which held the sprawling and utterly desolate city of Tokyo-3. "They'll use the EVA series. Shinji, you have to pilot Unit 01 again."

"No…"

"You don't have a choice," she forcefully responded.

"No, I mean… All this, SEELE attacking the Geofront, Asuka, the EVA series… Hasn't this all happened before?" he asked quietly, peeking at Misato. "Four years ago… Why does it feel like this happened already?"

"What the hell are you talking about?!" Misato asked, worried that he might be stalling.

"Back then… didn't it…? We were… and I… Misato, you…"

In a single instant, everything that his brain had blocked out, flooded back in. He instinctively screamed from the pain, clutching his head in a futile effort to push away the things he had purposefully ignored and forgotten.

And then everything was so clear.

He remembered how much he wanted to die back then. He remembered Misato being shot as she protected him; how she'd kissed him and then pushed him into that elevator- and the muffled explosion that was Misato's death. Shinji remembered getting into Unit 01, seeing what was left of Unit 02's carcass in the mouths of the white EVA series. He remembered giving in to Lillith, destroying his ego borderline and initiating Third Impact.

Shinji remembered waking up on that white beach, Asuka's thin neck in his hands. He remembered Asuka's hand against his face. He remembered how, for forty days and forty nights, the two of them walked the earth together. "No way in hell I'll be your Eve," he remembered Asuka saying. Shinji remembered Asuka walking off on her own one day and never returning.

He remembered Ayanami appearing to him once more.

Almost immediately, as soon as he thought of her name, the car disappeared around him. He was lying naked on white nothingness. Without shame, he stood. There she was: Ayanami Rei. She looked just like he remembered her. Those red eyes that pierced into his soul, her school uniform and pale skin… She hadn't aged a day, unlike himself.

"Ikari," she quietly stated.

"It's been a while," he responded, feeling an unusual calm come over him. "But why… am I here?"

"Because you remembered."

"I… remembered?"

"You remembered that day when the world died, when Humanity ended."

"Third Impact." Rei nodded. "But then… What have I been doing for the past four years? Has it all been a lie?" Rei shook her head, an oddly haunting smile crossing her pale face.

"No, of course not. Yui wished for your happiness, as did I. Together, we were able to provide this world for you, a world where peoples' hearts are separated, a world which is a continuation of the Old."

"My mother…"

"She's very proud of you." Shinji smiled. "As am I."

"But then, why did things turn out this way? Why am I running down this same path again?" She closed her eyes and shook her head.

"In order to make the transition easier on the souls of those that you had eroded away, the events leading up to the event which you call the Third Impact was erased and undone. Only the memory remained in the mind of both you… and her."

"Asuka?"

"Yes. Much like you, she locked those memories away, in a part of her mind that was sealed."

"So she… Asuka… is she really… Asuka?" Rei cocked her head to the side. "I mean, she's different… from how she was back then." Ayanami allowed the gentle smile on her face to grow slightly.

"People grow as time passes, Ikari, just as you did. I became so happy… because you became happy. She is the same person as back then, rest assured." Shinji breathed a sigh of relief. "You must make that painful decision once again. You can choose to pilot EVA Unit 01 once again, and raise yourself to the Throne of Souls once more… or you can choose to fight in a world that has Others."

"It's so obvious to me this time…" A strong resolve appeared in Shinji's eyes as he looked at Rei. Her uniform fluttered in a nonexistent win. "Third Impact must be stopped. I don't wish to hurt the souls of everyone anymore than I already have. No one should have such power." Rei nodded solemnly.

"The Evangelion must be absolutely destroyed. This process will continue through the ages until they are. This also means destroying the souls of those frozen inside the EVAs' cores."

"Which means my mother's soul, and Asuka's mother as well…"

"They will be removed from the Evangelion and set to rest."

"B-But… how…?" Rei smiled sadly once more and put a cool hand on his cheek.

"The group you call SEELE believes that Lillith is dead. However, she is immortal. Through her, I can take Adam and leave the earth. However, you must first annihilate the EVA-series, and then destroy EVAs 01 and 02."

Shinji nodded sharply. "Our mothers' souls can finally rest… At least, that's what I wish I could say," he quietly stated with a nervous chuckle. "This means I'll never see you again, doesn't it?"

"Yes."

"But—"

"You have done quite well these past four years, haven't you? Even without me?" Shinji couldn't help but feel relief from the small smile on Rei's face. "You're a man now, and you have someone to journey through life with. You'll be fine."

"So then… Goodbye, Rei."

"Goodbye, Shinji."

…

"Get up. Come on!" Shinji opened his eyes to a cold, dark expanse of vehicles. He realized that he was in NERV's parking area. He slowly began to feel a pain in his right arm. Finally, it dawned on him. He remembered this scene. The pain was Misato trying to forcefully drag him across the parking lot.

Shinji suddenly stood, almost throwing Misato off balance. His face hardened as Misato eyed him cautiously. "Back in the land of the living now?" she asked coldly.

"I am. Let's go." And with that, he took off running.

"H—Hey, wait up!" Misato yelled, obviously surprised.

Once Misato had matched his pace, he pulled his SiG-Sauer out of the plastic bag he'd been holding onto the whole time. "You think you can use that?" his companion asked between breaths.

"No, but… That doesn't have anything to do with the situation!"

Through the corridors they ran, Shinji following after Misato. He felt a mix of nostalgia and anxiety as he recognized certain hallways and intersections. Many of them were marred with blood and body parts. He did his best to ignore them and concentrate on his mission. Thankfully, they seemed to avoid any opposing forces. Misato explained that the section must already have been "cleared."

"The emergency elevators should still have power. They're over here."

Once more, Shinji had the annoying sensation of heavy déjà vu. As the two stood in front of the entrance to the small room that housed the only access to the emergency elevator on this level, Shinji suddenly whirled around and raised his weapon. "What?" Misato asked in a nervous, hushed voice.

_'I can't tell her… Last time, in this exact situation… is when she was fatally shot.'_

"Get behind me," he commanded coldly.

"Shinji, it's totally silent. No one's coming. Hurry up, the entrance is right behind us."

"Go… I'll be there in a second." He turned around to push her, only to notice her eyes widening. Even before he could process the sound of footsteps, loud gunshots pierced through the room. Shinji continued to push against Misato, trying to put his body between hers and the source of the bullets.

Just as it had before, the armored door slid shut just behind them. The two of them had literally fallen through the door and onto the floor. Shinji jumped to his feet and quickly inspected Misato's body. "You okay?" he asked.

"Y—Yeah…"

Shinji sighed quietly. _'She didn't see it, thank goodness…'_ Just as Shinji had begun to feel the stream of hot bullets whiz dangerously close to his head, he _saw _a small field of orange hexagons deflect the bullets. _'Somehow, an AT Field protected me… Ayanami, was that your hand at work?'_

He quickly rose to his feet and helped Misato do the same. Now was not the time to be questioning miracles. "Shinji-kun…" she trailed off, her voice obviously surprised. He gently smiled.

"I'm not the whiny kid who ran away four years ago, Misato. Come on." Moments later, the two of them were speeding down towards their inevitable goal: the Evangelion cages. Misato could not help but stare at Shinji as they descended. "W—what is it?" he stuttered, the steely gaze in his eyes suddenly broken.

"Nothing, just… I've never seen you act this way. I mean, just now… It seemed like you knew those soldiers were coming, even though there were absolutely no signs of them. The path we followed was, somehow, the path of least resistance. It's just… weird, ya know? I keep getting this feeling like déjà vu." Shinji could only answer with silence. She sighed and tried to brush away the feeling. "In any case, it's rather refreshing to see this Shinji, who takes charge in these kinds of situations," she said with a tired smirk.

"It's because of you. Back then, you were the one I looked up to, the only person in my life who was always strong."

"But I'm not… I mean, I never was…" she faltered, unable to complete her thought as tears clouded her eyes. Shinji had to fight back his own tears after hearing her words.

The remainder of the elevator ride was silent.

A very small group of soldiers guarded the Evangelion cage where Unit 01 was held. SEELE had sent operatives to intercept and kill the Third Children, the only pilot of the unit, so there wasn't much need for extra personnel. Unfortunately for them, Katsuragi Misato had suspected this tactic. The very same woman and the very same (former) Third Children had just eliminated the guards around EVA-01, mere moments after the elevator's doors had slid open.

As he approached the familiar form of EVA-01, Shinji threw his gun over the edge of the railing and watched as it clattered and came to rest on the solidified bakelite that covered the purple and green monster up to its shoulders. "That's a fine mess they made for you." Shinji shook his head slowly.

"It's not the bakelite I'm worried about… What if I can't pilot anymore? What if I'm too old? What if my ego is too strong? What if she won't accept me the way I am now?"

"Do you really have the time to be worrying about that stuff?!" Misato exclaimed. Shinji froze for a moment. Of course, she was right. Just some of his old self surfacing…

"What's Asuka's status?" he asked with a new urgency. Misato had her phone to her ear before he finished the sentence.

"Fine, I'm fine. I've got Shinji with me." As she spoke, Shinji maneuvered himself over the railing and gingerly lowered himself onto the bakelite to begin the final leg of this journey. "Yeah, he's heading there now. Begin Unit 01's start-up sequence. What's Unit 02's status?"

Shinji was near the peak of EVA-01's back when Misato shouted, "It seems she was loaded into EVA-02 while she was still unconscious! She's at the bottom of the lake, but the enemy is launching depth charges towards her location as we speak!"

_'Then, I'm not too late!'_

…

The deep booming sounds were the first thing she heard as she began to regain consciousness once again. Her body was in the fetal position. She vaguely remembered a familiar face lowering her body into the entry plug, and Ibuki's voice…

_'I… I ended up in this thing again. But… What's with this feeling? I can't shake it.'_

It was something like a very strong déjà vu. Asuka opened her eyes, but saw only darkness around her. Suddenly, somewhere far ahead in that darkness, she saw something. _'What the hell?!__ It… That was… It couldn't be! That was Ayanami?'_

Just as it had for Shinji, the material world suddenly disappeared around Asuka's form. Ayanami's full attention was on Asuka as she came to observe the plane around her. Oddly enough, she felt no shame in her naked body.

"So it was you all along, huh?" Asuka asked, feigning confidence. Rei's unusual smirk rubbed her the wrong way, but she didn't voice it.

"All along, you say… In a way, you are right. In this form in which I currently exist, I have been around since the beginning of human life on this planet," was the blue-haired girl's cryptic response.

"No, I meant… back then…"

"You speak of the times after the world died."

"Y—Yeah…" A dull ache in her head reminded her of the life she had led before, of those days and weeks that herself and Shinji spent alone on a dead Earth. "Everything is so clear. These repressed memories I kept inside me…"

"They were kept in check until this day. This day, which is the inevitable turning point that Mankind must reach… I, too, wish that it did not have to be repeated…" Rei said, a tinge of sadness in her voice.

"These things that are happening in the real world… It's exactly like before."

"No." Asuka's eyes widened at the forceful response. "Things are different."

"How? I'm still unconscious inside Unit 02, at the bottom of the lake inside the Geofront. The EVA-series will break in after an N2 explosion, I'll be forced to fight them without a power supply, and then…" Asuka looked away from Rei's gaze for a moment as she forced down the sudden sickness in her stomach.

"You forget that four years have passed. Your power supply will not be an issue."

"That means… They perfected the S2 engine's integration…?" Asuka recalled that it had been NERV's main goal at the time of her departure from the organization. It was true that years had passed.

"Ikari-kun will be there as well. He will come."

"Then, you've…"

"Yes, I've already spoken." Asuka noticed the slightest of blushes on Ayanami's snow white cheeks. "He has a great love for you. It is deep in his heart, and runs through his veins. But… You already know this."

"Eh… Well, I guess…"

"You've grown soft, Soryu."

"Gimme a break!" Asuka suddenly exclaimed. "In any case, things have to turn out differently this time, right?" Rei nodded.

"They must. As clichéd as it may sound, the world rests on your shoulders."

"Ha! This isn't the first time, you know?" Asuka stated with a nervous chuckle.

"The Evangelions must be destroyed. All of them. Your mother's spirit will finally be set to rest."

Before she realized it, the final floodgate opened, and that most protected memory was brought into the cold light. Asuka remembered the utter euphoria she felt that moment, the moment she finally came to know that her mother's spirit had been inside the EVA's core all along. Her mother had been protecting her, watching over her… _'But it was all kinda hopeless… Like a false dawn.'_

"You may feel that way, but she wishes for nothing but your happiness," Rei quietly responded, to Asuka's amazement.

"Heh, well… This is your world. I guess nothing is sacred here… But she… Mama… She really feels that way?"

"Soryu, that is _all_ she feels."

"I see… So what happens now?"

"I will leave you. Once you have done your part, I will do mine, and we will never be able to meet again." Asuka considered the statement for a long while before opening her mouth, only to be interrupted. "Do not even think of apologizing. It's too… out of character," Rei responded with a smirk that Asuka couldn't help but mirror.

"Well then, I'll do my best."

"Please do. In that case…"

…

Asuka blinked, and the world around her was the entry plug once more. The lights and computer screens slowly began to come to life. Asuka looked around the plug. _'Mama, this will be the last time I can be with you. After this, you won't be tortured anymore. You can finally feel that restful sleep.'_

"EVA Unit 02, launching!"

With a primal growl, the red Evangelion came to life and sprung out of the lake. The arms fire ceased for a moment as the military members gaped in awe at the sight. None of them had seen an Evangelion in action for years. As it crashed to the ground, a purple and green unit suddenly sprung out of the hill beside EVA-02. Unit 01 crawled out of the opening and took a place next to Unit 02.

"Shinji, you're right on time," Asuka stated, some of her old sarcasm slipping back into her tone.

"I—I'm sorry, Asuka. I should've—"

"Cut the bullshit! You can snivel at my feet later. Right now… There's something we have to do, together."

"Right!"

Back-to-back the two behemoths stood. Shinji brought out a progressive knife, while Asuka brandished a huge progressive ax which had recently been developed. "So then, with the two of us, both using S2 engines… How long should this fight take?" Asuka questioned.

"No more than… Five minutes?" he guessed through gritted teeth.

"Idiot! I took less time than that before, when I was alone! If you don't get your guys finished in three minutes, I'm going after them!" she exclaimed with confidence.

"Last time, huh? Let's not compare that to this…"

"Y—Yeah, you're right," she admitted. A sort of phantom pain suddenly throbbed in her left eye socket.

"What the hell are you two talking about?" Misato's voice suddenly crackled over the radio.

"It's just something… we managed to get a second chance at," Shinji responded, not clearing Misato's confusion at all.

END: Beyond the Pleasure Principle, Part 1.

A/N: I couldn't fit it all into one chapter without going way over my pre-established chapter size. ... What, did you think I could write an EVA story and leave Rei out? Pshh...


	9. Beyond the Pleasure Principle, Finale

Beyond the Pleasure Principle by Merines  
started: 22:34 03/25/08  
finished: 21:53 07/29/08  
published: 07/30/08  
disclaimed: I still don't own EVA or anything related to it.

Beyond the Pleasure Principle, Finale

Shinji's eyes opened slowly. The room was still dark; he assumed the sun must not have risen yet.

He lay there for a while, motionless and with a blank mind. The simplicity of just being in bed was a surprising blessing. His mind was still half asleep, in that unique place between slumber and consciousness in which the world is able to be passively observed for a short amount of time. Why did he feel that way? Why was it so nice to simply be still and let the world pass by?

Questioning that simple blessing was a mistake.

Like a burst dam, the memories of the past couple days invaded Shinji's mind once again.

'_My fight with Asuka that resulted in her leaving my apartment._

_ 'Her abduction by her ex-fiancé, who was a puppet of SEELE._

_ 'The invasion of the Geofront and NERV HQ that severely damaged the older districts of Tokyo-3 and resulted in the deaths of over seven hundred NERV staff members._

_ 'The inevitable fight with the EVA-series.'_

These memories assaulted Shinji's psyche all at once, but those were not the worst of them. Of course, since Asuka had fought the battle once before, the ugly white EVAs had been easily defeated by the awesome pair of Shinji and Asuka. By now, that much was a mere reflection for him, neither clear nor totally accurate.

After the battle was won and proper control of the Geofront was restored, Misato had quickly reminded the pilots that the destruction of both Units 01 and 02 would have to follow shortly.

Shinji wrapped his arms around his legs and fell into a fetal position in an attempt to stop his body from shaking as he remembered what followed. To compress a rather drawn out scene, Asuka refused to follow such a command. Shinji was eventually forced to restrain EVA-02, believing that the destruction of the EVAs was absolutely necessary. These beasts… these false, soulless human things… They should not exist.

Soryu Asuka Langley was dragged from the entry plug, arms and legs struggling fiercely, as she screamed that she could not kill her mother again. After much data examination and mental evaluation, it was determined that her mind had been invaded by the EVA. The mental contamination had leaked in just after the EVA-series had been defeated, just as her own intrinsic barriers came down into dangerous levels.

Was it because so much time had passed since she was last piloting? Unlikely. Shinji had been away from the Throne of Souls for many months longer, yet he had suffered no side effects from being thrust back inside so suddenly. Indeed, he had felt no awkwardness when EVA-01 had powered up, almost as if no time at all had passed since the last time he had been there.

Did it have something to do with her unusually high synchro-rate? No, Shinji's had been even higher, and again, he had experienced no ill effects. An entire day of psychological testing had proven that to be true.

Shinji grasped his head in his hands and squeezed, as if somehow attempting to stop the inevitable following thought, the thought that had plagued his mind for days.

_'It was my fault.'_

The Asuka from four years ago was an unattached, mean, and abusive person. That was her personal way of protecting herself, from both other people and the EVA's mental contamination. And it had worked just fine back then.

He knew very little about what had gone on in her life between the time between when she left NERV and when she had called him on that rainy night. But he did know that, since that time, she'd really seemed to become a different Asuka. '_Her emotions were so easy to read that even I could tell what was on her mind. This girl I've developed feelings for… By allowing her to feel at ease, was I the one who caused this?'_

The contamination was bad, though there was no way to know how long it would last. All they could do was wait. So that's what Shinji decided to do: wait. He'd lie in bed until his headache became so bad that he was forced to get up and move around. He'd eat, run until his lungs burned and his legs ached, check on Asuka and sit in silence with her, eat again, and then climb back into bed. Not that the bed served as anything besides a moderate place of comfort, since he did very little actual sleeping.

This had been going on for two weeks now. His workplace had stopped calling days ago. Whether they just assumed he'd walked off the job or Misato had contacted them and made his situation known, Shinji didn't care to find out. He didn't care, period. For him, time had stopped, just as it had back in the days when the Angels attacked.

It was different this time, though. Rather than feeling the supreme emptiness he knew so well – which was something he could deal with – he was overwhelmed with emotions.

Anger at himself for putting Asuka in danger, even if it was completely indirect.

An utter sense of loneliness, wondering how he would cope if she never recovered.

That brought on fear. Despair. Confusion. Anxiety. Frustration. Remorse. Shame.

Shinji was unable to deal with these feelings. In the past few years, he had never allowed himself to become emotionally attached to anything. His friends, lovers, co-workers… He kept them all at arm's length, never anything more than casual acquaintances. He'd done this unconsciously, perhaps emulating the people he viewed as the strongest in his life.

_'Ayanami… Why did it turn out like this? I didn't wish for this to happen! How was I supposed to know that this… that loving Asuka would cause her to…'_

He was unable to complete his thought. Shinji reached over to his bedside table and grabbed the almost empty bottle of vodka. He put it to his mouth and tried to ignore the horrible burning sensation in his throat as he quickly finished the remaining contents of the bottle. His mind was swimming within minutes.

Shinji knew that everything he was doing was just running away. He knew it, and he hated himself for it even more.

_'I haven't changed at all.'_

…

He woke up six hours later to the sound of his cell phone ringing. He quickly sat up in bed, which turned out to be a terrible mistake. His head throbbed so badly that he felt he might pass out. His vision flashed white as he blindly grasped for his phone. In the back of his mind, he wondered why he hadn't turned the damned thing off.

His vision returned slowly, but the incredible pain inside his skull did not subside. He answered the phone and mumbled wordless noises into the speaker.

"_Huh? Shinji, is that you?_" He vaguely realized that it was Misato's voice, but more noises came out of his mouth in a totally unintelligible manner. "_What the hell is your problem?!_"

Shinji did not respond as her question echoed in his head "_… Sorry. I'm under a lot of stress here… Anyway, I, uh… I know you're taking this really hard, and I can't blame you, but you need to get yourself together. The scheduled destruction of the Evangelions is tomorrow. You have to be there, understand? Well… I want you to be there. This is the end of a difficult part of your life, you know? It's important for you to see it for your own eyes._"

"What about Asuka?" he murmured. His ears were met with dead air. Indeed, in all the hours he had spent sitting next to Asuka in the past two weeks, not once had he seen his former guardian there. "How can you just ignore her like that? She told you she didn't want EVA-02 destroyed… You said that I need to see it, but what about her? You're just going to leave her in her hospital room, aren't you?"

"_That's not my decision, Shinji. You know the doctors said—_"

"Fuck those doctors! Why didn't they know this would happen to her?! Why was she forced into this situation?!"

Again, there was silence. Shinji couldn't continue, as raising his voice nearly caused him to lose consciousness. "_Shinji, you're coming whether you want to or not. I'll be there tomorrow at three… Listen, I know you've gotten close to Asuka lately. It's, uh… God… Shinji, you can't blame yourself for this. That's what this is all about, right? There's no proof that your relationship affected her ego borderline, okay? I know you won't listen to me. You'll be stubborn and keep pushing all the responsibility onto yourself, and you won't listen to anyone who tells you otherwise._"

"… Is that wrong?"

"_Huh?_"

"… Is taking responsibility so wrong?" Misato sighed on the other end.

"_Just be ready at three… I'll try to arrange something with the doctors so Asuka can be there too. Would that satisfy you?_" Shinji muttered a meaningless response before ending the call. He dropped the cell phone to the floor and collapsed back onto his bed.

His mind was mercifully blank, aside from the constant throbbing, and he stared up at his familiar ceiling with dead eyes. Tomorrow would be the end of a nightmare that had lasted since the Second Impact. He realized that. He knew that literally billions of lives had been lost because of the EVAs. However, the fault was not on with the Evangelions themselves, but on the hearts of evil men who wished to become gods.

Ikari Shinji, himself once the "God" of this world, felt he was in a unique position to judge these men.

--

Shinji did not sleep at all that night. He did eventually get out of bed and ended up running eleven kilometers, though he stopped in an area of the city he was unfamiliar with. He sat down on an unoccupied bench somewhere in the middle of a large park. A thousand self-deprecating voices screamed at him from inside his head, but he blocked everything out.

He stared forward at nothing in particular, his eyes unfocused. He sat up straight, though his body was propped up in such a way that it required no effort to remain perfectly still. The warm sun and light breeze did nothing to affect him. He breathed heavily at first, still recovering from the run, but that eventually passed. He was left with a lingering feeling of being totally alone despite being surrounded by the other park-goers. Perhaps that's the worst kind of loneliness – feeling alone while being surrounded by people.

Despair began clawing at the edges of Shinji's heart, and he didn't particularly care. Maybe it felt better than being empty.

"Shinji?"

His quiet, singular existence was abruptly shattered by a girl's voice. He decided to ignore it. After all, it had seemed to come from quite a distance, and there was the possibility that someone else named Shinji was present in the park.

"Ikari Shinji?"

The voice called out again from a closer proximity… and with a full name. He clearly heard his own name being called and chose to ignore it again, going against common decency and reasoning. "Ikari Shinji… It is you, right?" Feeling a pair of eyes burning into him, Shinji finally stood and faced the person calling out to him. "Oh my God, it _is_ you!"

Before he got a good look, he was caught up in a tight hug. The warmth of another human body pressing against his own jarred Shinji back into reality for the first time in days. He felt some kind of weird, detached embarrassment when he realized he was still covered in sweat, but this unknown assailant did not seem hindered by it. When the person finally released him, he took a step back and surveyed his attacker. Standing about as tall as his shoulders, the girl was wearing an unfamiliar school uniform. Her long, brown hair was pulled back into a single ponytail, and her smiling, lightly freckled face was vaguely familiar.

"What, don't you remember me?" She signed when Shinji didn't respond. "Hikari, remember? Horaki Hikari? We were in the same class before you transferred out. Four years ago. Don't you remember?"

"Class rep?" Shinji muttered. The girl's face brightened again.

"Right!" The girl continued smiling for a few moments before she understood the shock on Shinji's face. She began to blush. "O—Oh! Sorry for just running up and hugging you like that. Guess it's kind of embarrassing, but I was just so surprised to see you after so long," she explained with a nervous giggle. "I didn't mean to startle you so badly."

"Yeah… I mean, no. It's okay," Shinji muttered. Hikari's smile suddenly broke, and she took a step closer to him again. He unconsciously shrunk away from her.

"Are you doing okay, Shinji? You don't look so well."

"I was running. Just taking a break," he explained in a way that was half true. He knew where the conversation would eventually lead, and he did not feel like talking about that subject. Hikari, while obviously unaware of the situation, must have felt his hesitance.

"So, is the fighting over now? I heard there was a lot of damage in the old part of the city," she said, purposefully moving away from any personal questions. Shinji nodded stiffly. He found himself unable to look at her worried face. "That's great. I heard that you guys won pretty easily. Guess stuff like piloting is something you never forget, huh?" she asked happily, but she quickly realized her mistake. "Uh, sorry… I didn't mean it that way."

"It's fine. Soon, it will all be over," he responded flatly in the way PR had suggested. "Anyway, I really should get going," he quickly added. Hikari's face immediately clouded over.

"You don't have a few minutes to catch up?"

"Um, well, that's…" Shinji found himself stuttering. Was all of his talk of being a "normal" person so easily shattered? Being swayed back to his old ways by a single event was just… too painful to think about. "I guess I could make some time."

A happy smile, somehow even brighter than before, was now on her face. "Awesome! Heh, this is really exciting for some reason." Shinji brushed aside her comment.

"So? Any idea on where we could go? I'm kind of thirsty." Hikari placed a finger to her cheek as if to think.

"Ah, yeah, you must be. All right then, I know a great little place not too far from here." Hikari took a couple steps in the direction of her target, but then turned to face Shinji again, holding out an open hand to him. Sensing his hesitance, she asked, "What, are you afraid your girlfriend might see you holding another girl's hand?"

"There's no way she could," he responded without thinking.

"Well, yeah. I'm supposed to be in class right now too," she responded with a giggle, unaware of the fact that he had unconsciously referred to Asuka. He slowly put his hand into hers, feeling a small bit of relief as her soft fingers wrapped around his palm. "Let's go, Shinji."

Within minutes, the pair was sitting across from each other in a small, quiet booth at a small, quiet restaurant. Whether it was a coincidence or the fact that Hikari had been able to read his emotions that well, the atmosphere helped Shinji feel a bit better. And of course, sitting across from an old friend also helped.

"So, what have you been up to for the past four years? Everyone was really worried about you, since you just kind of disappeared, you know. We couldn't get any information out of Misato, and Asuka… She just got worse than ever." Though Shinji didn't mean to, he focused in on Hikari as she said that last sentence. Taking note of that cue, she continued. "Yeah, she got pretty bad. I mean, you left while she was still in a coma. When she woke up and started attending school, there was something really different about the way she did… well, everything. It was like a piece of her was missing."

"I asked her about it – just casually at first, not pressing the issue. She always resisted, so I eventually just asked her directly. 'Do you miss Ikari?' I asked her. I still remember precisely how she looked," Hikari said with a nostalgic look on her face. "She looked at me with her usual incredulous look. I waited for some kind of scathing remark or mean joke at your expense, but it never came. She just looked at me for the longest time. I could see that her mind was racing just by the look in her eyes.

"She never responded to the question, but it was pretty clear that she was incredibly conflicted by your absence. Asuka distanced herself from me after a while and eventually dropped out. I mean, she already had a couple degrees, so I guess she found no real point in continuing. Next thing I knew, she had just dropped off the map. I found out that she quit NERV and that she hadn't moved back to Germany to live with her father, but I never had the resources to search for her."

Shinji was mildly surprised to learn that Asuka had _any_ reaction to the fact that he'd left. "You never answered my question," Hikari noted after a moment, her eyes sparkling.

"Huh?"

"What've you been up to? I mean, it's been a long time… It's not like you've just sat in your room for four years, right?" she asked with a bit of nervous laughter.

"No, no, of course not," he quickly responded, waving a hand in the air to dispel the very idea. He felt a pang of embarrassment, though, since he had done basically that for the past couple weeks.

Shinji proceeded to tell her about how he left after his father died – glossing over the fact that his real motivation for disappearing was because of Asuka's reaction upon seeing him as she awakened from her coma – and how things had been difficult for almost a year after that. About the way he'd taken a small amount of compensation from the UN after NERV had supposedly been decommissioned in order to pay for his rent. About how he'd started going to school again, about his job, and about how he'd strived to be a normal teenaged guy.

"Sounds like you've been doing pretty well. It must've been a shock when you had to jump into the EVA again so suddenly."

"To be honest, the past several weeks before that were more shocking for me," he quietly admitted. Finally giving in to Hikari's concerned expression, he elaborated, unconsciously hiding his mouth behind steepled hands in an eerie mirror of his late father. His eyes hardened as he stared not at Hikari, but at the table which sat between them.

"On a rainy night, I got a phone call from someone I used to know. For whatever reason, she needed somewhere to stay overnight. So, I took her in. The next night, she somehow got herself drunk and involved with some local gangsters, so I had to rescue her. She cooked dinner for me. We slept in the same bed – nothing happened, if that's what you're thinking. We got angry at each other and had fights. We talked about our pasts. We learned that the Geofront would be attacked and that we would have to pilot again." He told her absolutely everything about what had happened in his life recently, without any trace of emotion or attachment.

When Shinji broke out of his trance, he realized that Hikari had her hands to her mouth, and her eyes were wide and teary.

"I'm in love with her, Hikari. I love her, and she's hurt. And yet, there is absolutely nothing I can do for her. Anything I do is for my own benefit. Even when I visit her, the doctors forbid me to talk to her, as if my voice would have some ill effect on her shattered mind. I'm helpless, but I can't cry. It all feels so distant, almost like the whole ordeal has happened to someone else."

"Asuka…" Hikari whispered in a shaking voice. Shinji nodded.

"I know that what I'm doing is wrong. It won't do a thing to help her." Shinji closed his eyes tightly and buried his face in his hands.

"Oh, Shinji… The circumstances might be strange, but this is something you can overcome. You said she might get better eventually, right? All you can do until then is—"

Shinji heard a strange sound as her voice was cut short, followed by something bumping against the tabletop. He raised his head out of curiosity and was immediately met with something cold poking the side of his head. "Don't make a move," a gruff voice commanded.

Ikari could do nothing but stare as Hikari's blood pooled on the tabletop, the source a hole in the back of her head. She'd been shot, fatally.

He was blank for what seemed like a long time, unsure of what emotions he should feel. His instincts finally kicked in, though, and the adrenaline forced him to be afraid.

The sound of slow, heavy footsteps approached his location. "The young Ikari… How long I have searched for you… I've waited so long for the mere chance to meet you. You, the little boy who was the God of this world." Shinji immediately tried to swirl around to ask the voice how it knew that, but the gun pressed his head onto the table.

"You ruined everything. So many years of careful planning, so many trillions of dollars spent, so many lives lost… You ruined it all – you and your accursed father." From that angle, Shinji was able to see a wrinkled old man. A strange visor covered his eyes and wrapped around his head, and he walked with the help of a metal cane. "Do you know who I am?" the old man asked in a deep and imposing voice.

"No." The wrinkled mouth curved upward slightly. "But you must be from SEELE."

"Ooh, how intuitive. You have the same cunning intelligence as your father. Then, you must know why I need you."

"I won't pilot the EVA again." The old man chuckled.

"No, you failed once already. Indeed, your existence is not suitable to play a role in the ceremony of the Red Soil. You…. my young Ikari… You will merely play a part in the ascension of an Other."

Shinji immediately understood and began to struggle against his captor.

…

Everything was dark when Shinji's eyes opened. It took him several moments to come to the conclusion that he was in a hospital room, though the dirty floor and stale air led him to believe it was not NERV's Geofront hospital. Pulling himself off the cold floor was difficult. The pain from being hit by the butt of a gun throbbed in his skull.

As he was feeling around the room for a light switch, the groaning of a familiar voice instantly grabbed his attention. Cautiously edging toward the source of the voice, he quietly called out, "Asuka?"

The groan ceased immediately. His eyes slowly became accustomed to the darkness, and he could see that the source of the noise was indeed Soryu Asuka Langley. Her unblinking eyes were staring up at the ceiling, blank, just as they had been for the past two weeks. It was obvious that she had been hastily placed there. Her arms, which were usually kept straight and tucked next to her body, were splayed out across the bed. She was not covered by any sheets, and the disarray of her hospital gown proved even further that she had been simply thrown onto the bed without much thought.

Shinji remained silent as he gently grasped her wrist and took her pulse. It was slow and steady, nothing out of the ordinary. He tidied her gown and placed her arms at her sides, allowing himself just the slightest pleasure from touching her soft, warm skin for the first time in what seemed like forever.

Satisfied with her situation, he turned his attention to the room's single door. No light could be seen coming from the crack between the door and the floor. Shinji placed an ear against the door in attempt to hear any activity outside. There was nothing within his range of hearing. He briefly considered staying in the room and waiting for rescue, but that plan of action was quickly nixed.

_'Sure, staying put and hoping that someone notices we're gone might be the smarter thing to do, but… if that old guy is planning to use her in my place to start another Third Impact, then I have to get her out of her as soon as possible. Waiting would be suicide.'_

Ikari turned the door's handle as slowly as he could in order make as little noise as possible as he cracked the door open. He stared down the side of the hall he could see through the barely opened door and saw no one. Deciding to take the initiative, he threw the door open and jumped into the hallway, quickly spinning to face the other direction, only to find that the hall was devoid of life.

Indeed, as he took time to survey his surroundings, the hallway was completely empty save for a couple metal chairs. He tiptoed toward them. They were both covered in a thin layer of dust. He strode down the length of the hall. Nothing was hanging on the white walls. There were no windows. Each of the other hospital rooms was in a state of disuse similar to the one he had come out of, sans comatose young women of course. There were doorways at each end of the hall, but Shinji was not ready to explore them just yet. That would mean venturing farther away from Asuka, and he did not intend to do such a thing.

But still, he was at a loss. He quietly made his way back to the room and approached the bed where Asuka still lie. _'I need to find a way out of here, but I can't just look around this place on my own. Obviously this is some kind of test, or a trap or something… They didn't just drop us off here and leave. Just what they are testing me for, I have no idea. All I know is that I cannot leave her alone, at any cost.'_

Of course Shinji knew how to go about moving around while keeping Asuka near him, but the execution of that idea was… It couldn't be helped, though…

Shinji crawled onto the bed and, as gently as he could, turned her body ninety degrees. Climbing off the bed, he gulped rather loudly. "Sorry, Asuka…" he whispered. After a moment of mental preparation, he gingerly spread her legs a bit. He then turned his back to her and sat down on the bed between her legs. As delicately as he could manage, he pulled her arms around his waist, eventually getting her torso right up against his back. He leaned forward slightly and felt her weight pressing against him. With a final silent apology, he began to stand, hauling her body with him. As her limp arms began to fall from his waist, he slid his hands under her rear end and lifted.

He allowed himself a small grin. He'd successfully become a mobile platform. Now he'd be able to continue through the hospital without leaving her behind. Well, that is, until his muscles would no longer allow him to carry her. She was relatively light, though, and he was fairly confident that he could bear her weight for a while. He hiked her prone form higher onto his back and got a better grip. He leaned forward as he walked in order to keep some of the weight on his back and not his arms.

_'Now then, left or right? They always say left is right and right is wrong, so I guess left.' _In truth, he'd never actually heard anyone say that, but it made his decision seem easier.

Following his own advice, he exited the room and turned left. His efforts to keep his footfalls silent were slightly hampered by the extra 105-ish pounds on his back. Shinji stopped short of the doorway at the left end of the hall and stepped close to the left wall so he could peer around the corner. However, this too proved nearly impossible due to the extra body. Shinji lost his balance and loudly stumbled out into the hallway.

His mind sharpened as adrenaline once again rushed through his bloodstream, but it was for naught. This hallway was also totally silent, without any evidence that anything living had been there in many months. This hall was different from the last, though. As Shinji turned around, he found that one side of the hallway quickly terminated into what looked like a cafeteria. In the other direction was a hall with no doors. He was unable to see the far end due to the permeating darkness.

Faced with no other choice, he began slowly making his way down the dark hall. His mind was mostly blank as he proceeded. He concentrated heavily on his hearing and eyesight, as if waiting for someone to jump out of the darkness. However, as they traveled farther and farther down the corridor, there was no such surprise attack. It did, somehow, become even darker. As he walked, it became so dark that he was unable to see a single thing. And yet, he still felt compelled to move forward, as if something was waiting for them.

…

After walking for what seemed like an hour, Shinji noticed that he could hear the reverberations of his footsteps. He had progressed out of the hallway and into a much larger room. Sensing this change, he switched Asuka around to his front, placing one of his arms under her upper back and the other under her knees. While doing this, he inadvertently groaned from the stiffness in his back. Almost immediately after getting Asuka's body resituated, a blood red light faded into existence approximately twenty feet in front of them. As Shinji's pupils shrank and he could clearly see the light, he realized that it was not only light – there was some kind of black monolith. The red light shone from the lettering on the monolith.

**SEELE-01**

** SOUND ONLY**

"SEELE…" Shinji muttered, any hopes he'd had of escaping unnoticed dashed to pieces.

"Ikari Shinji," the deep voice sneered, booming through the huge room. The mentioned man immediately recognized the voice as that of the old man who had been there when Hikari was murdered.

"Just who are you?" Shinji asked in a clear and strong voice. A low chuckle was the only response. "Why did you have that girl killed? Why couldn't you have just waited until her and I parted?"

"The look on your face when you saw that woman dead was exquisite. Seeing pain in others is one of the natural ways the modern human mind copes with the hardships and sadness of every day."

"You sick fucking bastard…"

"Indeed, that was the same look your father had when his woman was killed before his very eyes. What was her name? Ah, Akagi Ritsuko."

"What?!" An image of the blond doctor flashed in Shinji's mind. He immediately felt sick to his stomach as he realized he had never even thought of her once since leaving NERV.

"Your father was a despicable man, and it is clear that such traits were passed down from father to son. I shall enjoy killing you as much as I enjoyed that man's death." The gravity of those words stabbed deep into Shinji's heart.

"You… killed my father?"

"Not I. However, I was the one who ordered it, and I was present as he slowly bled from his bullet wounds. I watched in ecstasy as he writhed on the floor in pain, finally paying the price for ruining our plans to such an extent that it took us four years to reconstitute them. I wish I could tell you he begged me for his life, begged for my forgiveness, but that was not the case. He was a stubborn idiot until his end," the voice of SEELE-01 explained in a mocking tone.

Shinji's mind was filled with anger and hatred toward this man. Not only had this man killed Hikari and his father, but this man was the mastermind who had manipulated the world. He had no doubt that this man had been the one who caused the Second Impact and killed three billion people. He had no doubt that this man saw to the construction of the EVAs and NERV, the destruction of the Angels, and the Third Impact that Shinji had gotten control of.

Suddenly, the monolith disappeared, plunging the room into darkness again. It was only momentary, though, as a beacon of light shined down from above onto the old man. This elderly man, kept alive by machines, was at the very root of everything that had made all of humanity to suffer.

"You're insane." The old man laughed at Shinji's words.

"Nay, young man. I am perhaps the most sane man alive today. There was a time when your father saw the world with the same clarity as I, but his eyes were clouded by the pitiful emotion called love." The man stood slowly and raised his arms out at his sides. A smaller light shined down from above to a spot just in front of Shinji. A large tribal-looking knife was lying on the ground.

"What is the meaning of this?" Shinji asked with a low growl.

"It is just as it seems. Take up the knife and strike at me. I am but an elderly man. I would be easy to attack, don't you think?"

Shinji quickly realized that this would mean putting Asuka down. "So, you're making me choose between killing the man who has singlehandedly shattered the course of history or…"

"Or, you can choose to protect that lifeless body you hold in your arms. I will allow you to escape from here unharmed, but SEELE will never stop hunting for her. Hide her anywhere on Earth and we will find her. Even in her current state, she is a useful supplicant… Do not allow yourself to believe that you could escape us. You would meet the same end as your father, and the woman you love would be used to finally join mankind as one."

Shinji, despite knowing exactly what he should do, struggled to answer.

"What's the matter? Pick up the knife and pierce my heart. Put an end to my terrible life. Do not allow me to continue controlling the world from behind the shadows. You will never be able to return to your so-called normal life if you do not."

"I…"

The man leaned forward, a wide grin across his face. Things were going just as he'd planned, just as they always should.

"If I have to choose between living a normal life on my own… and living a terrible life with the woman I've fallen in love with…" Shinji's indecisiveness was suddenly gone, and he stared at the man with the eyes of a falcon. The old man's eyes narrowed. He grimaced and clenched his fists.

"Very well. I can see that I am unable to sway your opinion. But know this, son of Ikari." The old man suddenly pulled a gun out of his coat and aimed at the pair. "You are always in my sights." Shinji clenched his eyes shut as the old man's finger pulled the trigger, but there was only silence.

He stared at the spot where the man had been. There was nothing there. "Just a hologram, huh…" he said with a ragged sigh of relief. A sudden nearby noise caused Shinji to jump backward. It took him a moment to realize that it was coming from the woman he held in his arms. "Asuka?"

She coughed violently for several seconds before returning to a calm state. However, her arms and legs were beginning to stir. She was waking up! Shinji gently set her down, still holding her steady as she sat up on her own power. Her eyes regained some light, and she slowly blinked as she looked directly into his eyes.

"You look like you're about to cry," she said softly, her voice cracking from disuse. He couldn't help but smile at the sound of her voice. She weakly raised a hand to his face and wiped away a tear.

"Asuka, I…"

"I know. I heard everything." She smiled at him. It was a pure smile, like that of a small child, and Shinji's heart swelled.

"I don't know what will happen from now on, Asuka… But I will do everything I can do protect you from them, I promise."

"You better, idiot. I guess you're the only one I can count on, huh."

--

_Epilogue; The "After" Life_

Misato and Asuka sat in the kitchen of Shinji's apartment. They watched as Shinji played with Misato's adopted child, Kana, who was eleven now. The women couldn't help but smile as the young girl completely dominated Shinji in some sort of video dancing game.

"He's pretty good with kids, it seems," Misato observed happily.

"Thank goodness," Asuka replied softly. Misato noticed a slight blush on her cheeks.

"Jeez, no need to be embarrassed, Asuka. At least you'll be able to do the one thing I never managed to do."

"Get married to a wonderful man?"

"Hey, hey…" Misato grumbled. "You don't know how happy I am for you guys. It's just kind of sad that you'll be moving before the little one comes along."

"Well, you know how it is. He had to take this transfer to get the raise. He says we'll really need the money once she's born," Asuka explained, rubbing her stomach softly.

"You're really lucky, you know."

"I know, heh." Shinji's cell phone suddenly rang, and Asuka answered it. "Hello? Ikari residence. Yes, just a moment." She walked into the next room and handed the phone to Shinji. He nodded in thanks as he went into the next room to take the call. "Say, Kana, why don't we play for a bit while Mister Ikari is busy."

"Okay!"

Shinji could not help but grin as he heard Asuka and Kana giggling in the next room as he closed the door behind him, but his face froze over as he put the phone to his ear. "This is Ikari."

"Sir, the operation was successful."

"Very good. I trust the cleanup was not too difficult?"

"As you say, sir. And we retained the mechanical parts just as you had instructed."

"You have my thanks. I'll see that your payment is promptly sent to the usual account."

"Thank you, sir. It's been a pleasure serving you." The call ended, leaving Shinji in relative silence. He stayed there for several minute, reveling in the wonderful feeling of accomplishment. Unbeknownst to Asuka, Shinji had been clandestinely commanding a secret army of NERV's finest soldiers for the past eighteen months. Funded by the UN, the so-called "Dark Army" had a single mission: to seek out and kill Kihl Lorenz, the leader and mastermind of SEELE.

With this objective now complete, Asuka truly was safe. His child could grow up in a safe world, a world without EVAs or Angels or anything related to them. Breathing a heavy sigh, he put the cell phone into his pocket and left the room.

"You guys ready for the picnic?" he asked with a wide smile.

"Yay!" Kana exclaimed as she streaked across the room straight toward Shinji. He caught her up in his arms and lifted her onto his left shoulder. "Whee! Look how tall I am, Mommy!" she squealed. Shinji loved the fact that the young girl called Misato "Mommy." It was just one of those little special things that made every day worth living. Misato joined the others in the living room, a large picnic basket in hand.

"Wow! You're even taller than me!"

"Yay, yay, picnic!" Shinji turned to face Asuka.

"Ready?" She took his hand in hers and nodded.

"Let's go. There's a whole world out there waiting for us."

"Jeez, Asuka, how corny can you be?" Misato asked, but Shinji wasn't really paying attention to her. The redhead was staring into his eyes like she was trying to penetrate his soul.

"What's the matter?" he asked tenderly. "Everything all right?" After just another moment of intense scrutiny, she smiled and shook her head.

"Of course. Why wouldn't things be all right?," she asked rhetorically as she grabbed his free arm. "I have my man who loves me and provides for me, friends who enjoy my company, and I'm safe. What could be better?" It was in that moment that Shinji knew that Asuka was aware of what he had been doing.

"Guess I just can't keep secrets from you," he said with a chuckle.

"What are you talking about?" she feigned, a knowing look in her eyes.

"Yeah, what're you talkin' 'bout?" Kana repeated.

"I'm talking about… the tickle monster!" Shinji exclaimed as he began tickling the bottoms of Kana's feet. Misato and Asuka burst out laughing as the little girl yelled in delight. Shinji took a look out the balcony window in the general direction of the park they would be headed toward. However, something odd caught his eye.

Floating in midair were three figures. There were two women who might have been identical twins if you didn't take their hair and skin tone into account, and a clumsy-looking man with a beard. The three of them smiled up at Shinji.

_'Ayanami… Mother… Father… You're all together… You're happy for me, aren't you? I'm so glad that I have this chance, and I hope that someday, in another life, you all will experience the happiness that has been afforded to me. I love you all… Thank you.'_

The end.

Note from the author: Wow, it really took me a long time to finish this. I had fully intended to end this story with the death of Shinji and Asuka's resulting madness, but things just didn't turn out that way. When I started writing this however many months ago, I had wanted to write a simple love story. Looking back now, I wish I hadn't included anything to do with SEELE or EVAs or NERV, but I hope this chapter provides a complete and happy end to the story.


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